Listen, everyone is different. Some people, for example, stop at two or three kids. Some have more because of Jesus, and others, people like Robert De Niro, father their 7th child at 79 years of age.

De Niro, who has made a career portraying tough guy gangsters on the big screen, proved that despite being a legendary Hollywood tough guy he still answers to the boss of bosses – his wife. Tiffany Chen ain’t nothin’ to fuck with. Chen is a legit Kung Fu master, plus 32 years younger than De Niro.

Who Is Robert De Niro's Rumored Girlfriend? All About Tiffany Chen https://t.co/CvLG2nNQtk

— People (@people) May 9, 2023

I’m not saying that De Niro is wrong for having a kid, even though he will likely be dead before the kid turns 12, but something tells me that when the topic of having another kid came up, she gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse…because he’s too frail…and she would have probably kicked his ass if he said no.

Let’s not be too hard on De Niro. After all, it is a pretty gangsta move to Larry King-ify your life and have a child at 79. Not just because it will obviously be challenging, but also because he knows he’s in his third act, and maybe the secret to having an attentive dad is to have one who knows he’s nearing his expiry date. Nothing motivates men quite like the knowledge that they could die at any second.

Naw, I’m playing. Sort of.

DeNiro & the doctor who said his vasectomy was successful https://t.co/sIaNNPRiTM pic.twitter.com/Nldka8S5z4

— Tom Reagan’s Hat (@RufusTSuperfly) May 9, 2023

To be frank, I’m more confused as to why anyone who isn’t staunchly religious would have more than three children. I had my second and last child at age 40, and I felt like a grandpa for the next couple years. I suppose the difference between myself and De Niro is a gigantic pile of money, cash that can be used to buy nannies and servants, but overall I find the idea of men over 70 fathering children to be an unorthodox way of spreading your seed.

I’m still a fan of De Niro. And hell, he can seek solace in the fact that it actually takes less time to raise a kid than it does to get through a screening of The Irishman, only The Irishman has far less profanity.