Canada Slaps Trump With 25% Energy “Asshole Tax” and he’s NOT Happy About it. LOLZ.
Oh, Canada! The land of maple syrup, polite apologies, and now, the audacious “Asshole Tax.” Ontario Premier Doug Ford has decided to spice things up by slapping a 25% surcharge on electricity exports to the United States to make our southern neighbors clutch their pearls.
This “Asshole Tax” is directed at the Assholes in the White House and 77 million assholes who voted for Trump. Not 300 million who didn’t. We know you’re not assholes, but your president is and he’s not happy about it.
LOLZ…
(Without Canadian Lumber or Energy, America would die, btw)
Trump responded with threats to “tariff” (he means tax) every car coming into Canada, 50% increase on steel and a few other weird things, then said Canada needs to become the 5th state to escape these imaginary threats.
Because he’s dumb AF and wants to keep destroying his economy. Which is cool with us.
Canadians only need to worry about the “national emergency” line – like he goaded us into this response to use force against Canada in light of “National Security.”
But even that’s more noise than a signal.
The “Asshole Tax” Escalation Plan
Premier Ford, never one to shy away from theatrics, announced this bold move with the flair of a reality TV star unveiling a plot twist because he’s a performative dick too.
But he’s our performative dick.
He criticized the US for increasing costs for American families and businesses, and clarified that Ontario isn’t here to play nice while being pushed around.
Ford has hinted, with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, that if President Trump doesn’t back off his “bullshit fake tariffs” and stop threatening Canada, Ontario might pull the plug entirely on electricity exports to the U.S. USine the chaos: Americans might have to endure the horror of higher electricity bills or, gasp, conserve energy or use candles and a camping grill for that easter sunday meal.
Trump’s Tariffs and Canada’s Clapback
So, what’s all this fuss about? President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, decided to impose a 25% tariff on Canadian imports, aiming to curb drug trafficking and illegal immigration. Nothing says “secure borders” like taxing maple syrup, cheese, wood, and steel. In a move that surprised no one, Canada fired back with 25% tariffs on $155 billion worth of US goods targeting everything from liquor to household appliances.
Canadians get the assignment. We’ve pulled American luxury items from the shelves, 68% of us have cancelled trips to the US for the foreseeable future and the entire country has dropped the culture war bullshit. To say the country is unified is an understatement.
89% of us WANT to hit Trump’s America with Everything from “Asshole Taxes” to restricting energy/steel/lumber exports to the United States even IF Trump drops his tariff circus bullshit.
Canada’s Sentiments Toward Trump
According to recent approval ratings, Trump’s popularity in Canada is SHIT.
A recent Angus Reid survey says Trump’s disapproval rating is 90%.
That’s right, 90% of us HATE Trump. 90.
Dean Blundell
Dean Blundell is a Canadian radio personality. Best known as a longtime morning host on CFNY-FM (The Edge) in Toronto, Ontario. In 2015 he was named the new morning host on sports radio station CJCL (Sportsnet 590 The Fan). Dean started his career in radio in 2001 and for nearly 20 years been entertaining the radio audience. Dean’s newest venture is the launch of his site and podcast which is gaining tremendous momentum across North America.
