Now look, it’s not a secret that I masturbate on the bus. A lot! Who wouldn’t, being alone traveling from state to state for the past 5 months? But today I made a huge ass mistake.

Let me preface this blog by explaining my love for jalapeños. Pickled raw doesn’t matter, I just love them. I will eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Can you see where this is going? Well, today, after my LPGA caddying debut, I came back to the bus smashed out an interview with John Angus from The Trews, then I rolled right into the live show with my boy Dean Blundell.

Well, that was a hell of a way to start a day in Cali! It was now only 1:30 pm here on the west coast and I was starving, fulfilled and horny!! So, I smashed back some delicious jalapeños a bowl of soup and then proceeded to pull out my pud!

The only problem was that I forgot I had “said” jalapeños and proceeded to love myself with “jalapeño hand”. I can promise you this…. the next 10 minutes of my life sucked hugely. My poor fella was on fire. Try and “bust a nut” with yer Johnson on fire. It ain’t happening. I had to jump in the shower and let the cold water soothe the burning sensation that was happening to my fella!

I hope to holy hell I will never experience that type of burning pain on my pee-pee ever again. Lesson learned. Wash yer bloody hands after eating the jalapeños kids, especially if yer gonna wank it. Or worse, maybe you give your girl the “two-finger cul de sac” and the burn becomes her nightmare. Which in turn becomes yer’s cause ya done fucked up and she’s gonna be pissed. No lady loves a 2 finger burning “cul de sac” bro, it simply ruins the vibe.

“BUT MOM IT BURNED SO BAD”

Anyway, yer welcome for the tip, fellas (ladies too)! Stay tuned for more masturbating DO’s and DONT’s from the resident guru gypsy of whackin’ it whilst on the road.

Stay hard fella’s!

✌️

Bondzee The Gypsy

Trippin With Bondzee

@bondzeelive