Source: A man with a history of exposing himself in public was arrested after cops found him masturbating in front of women at a Paramus doctor’s office, authorities said Wednesday.

Brian Bates — or, as he might be referred to if he were on “Downton Abbey,” Master Bates — was charged with criminal open lewdness for the Friday incident at a Ridgewood Avenue office, according to borough police Chief Kenneth Ehrenberg. Officers went to the medical office for a report of a man exposing himself to patients.

“Upon police arrival, officers found Bates in the bathroom with the door open while masturbating and simultaneously attempting to penetrate his anus with the handle of the toilet bowl scrubber,” Ehrenberg said in a statement.

“This act was witnessed by several adult females who were in the office,” the chief added.

Everyone’s got their thing, and this guy’s thing is fine as long as he’s not doing that thing in public.  I’m sure there are plenty of fellow’s who like a gentler version of this and no one’s judging the method of self-gratification here. I think what is safe to judge is the flawed decision making of Mr. Bates to violently do it in front of a bunch of people in a professional office while giving himself a poke with an E-coli laden toilet brush.

It’s a saucy move and if this something you might be inclined to do, maybe don’t in public.  There’s literally no chance anyone’s going to get turned on and ask you if you want to grab a coffee and get to know them.