I wish celebs just told the truth after getting popped for DUI’s.  Henry Thomas who played Elliot in the iconic Speilberg classic ‘E.T.’ Was arrested for DUI in Oregon last week.

Police responded to a call about a man asleep behind the wheel covered in his own spit.  After refusing a field sobriety test, police found a bottle of ‘Fast Acting Cannabis’ in his vehicle.  He was booked for DUI, pled not guilty and now he’s awaiting a court date.

A) There’s no such thing as ‘fast-acting cannabis.’  Well, there is, and it’s called a joint.  Or if you’re rich, it’s called a Dab.

Superheated and super-concentrated cannabis ‘shatter’ gives folks a big fat hit full of whatever’s in that shatter by placing it on a coil instantly releasing that concentrate into a pipe and into your lungs.  Whammo.  You’re busted for about 20 minutes.

B) Unless it’s nanosized 90% pure tincture, there’s no way Elliot was that high that fast unless he has some other shit going on.  Booze, pills or DMT (Which Gonzo is dying to try) AND SHIT PILES OF THC, prior to taking the fast-acting stuff, MAYBE to blame but it’s not just weed.

My favorite excuse celebs give the old ‘it was a bad reaction to cold medication’.  I’m also a big fan of ‘I mixed champagne and antibiotics’.

Remember when Charles Barkley was charged with DUI back in 2009?

He blew a red light and twice the legal limit then acknowledged drunk and in a hurry to get a BJer:

TSG: “He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He then explained that she had given him a ‘b**w job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.”

The report says when Barkley was taken to the station, he told one of the employees, “I’ll tattoo my name on your ass” if he helped “get him out of the DUI.” According to the report, “He laughed and then quickly corrected himself and said, ‘I’ll tattoo your name on my ass’ and then laughed again.”

Charles was given 5 days in jail a $2000 fine and admitted to the whole thing.  11 years later he’s more a folk hero than ever.

The reason?  Chuck told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth right down to the blow job he was drunkenly speeding towards.

Take it from Chuck and just tell the truth, Elliot.  Unless you got high huffing paint in some 4chan Beastiality orgy.  Then I’d stick with your ‘fast-acting weed story.