Lochlin and I were talking about Cobra Kai today and how embarrassing it is that we love it.

Without Johnny, it’s a shitty teen Drama with average acting. Karate (every man loves Karate and BBQing things) and Elizabeth Shue help, but it’s one of those shows you never want your wife to catch you watching, or you’d admit you watch to a group of people you just met.

My movie version of embarrassing TV shows you never want people to watch? Mr. And Mrs. Smith.

Food? KD with hot dogs and ketchup.

Shitter game?

Golf Clash.

The Fall Major has begun! Head over to the gorgeous Yongsan Gardens for this years autumnal Major 🇰🇷🏆⛳️

Did you get enough practice in? Let us know what you think of the new course! pic.twitter.com/8w9YstY5iu

— Golf Clash (@GolfClashGame) November 7, 2022

I refuse to go to the bathroom without my phone. When you’re wired like me, the bathroom is a 5-10 minute break from life. If I have to pee? 5-10 mins. Shit? 5-10 minutes.

Why?

I know I get to play a game of Golf clash, which lasts 5-10 minutes. A pause with a pee. It’s more mental therapy than anything, like combining meditation with a dump.

(And this new game mode they’ve been teasing has me all shook)

A brand new game mode, coming soon to Golf Clash! 🏁🏆⛳️ pic.twitter.com/iXlJdYpw2B

— Golf Clash (@GolfClashGame) November 5, 2022

Every time I feel the call of nature, I know I get to play a hole (or two if I ate trail mix the night before) in the Fall Classic. I get to play golf and take a break from people while going to the washroom, which is probably why I get excited when I see a lovely powder room at a shitty dinner party. Part of me can smell the grass and feel the sunshine on my face as I sit with my pants around my ankles in my powder room while urinating.

Last week a friend of mine asked me if I was doing coke in the bathroom.

I didn’t have the nuts to tell her I needed to finish a nine-hole golf tournament before midnight. Instead, I told her I drank a lot of coffee and had two bran muffins for breakfast.

Cool stuff.

You know you love playing “shitter games” on your phone when you’d rather people think you have IBS than know you’re trying to qualify for the weekend in a Golf Clash tourny.

I’m a shitter game elitist too.

When someone tells me they’re a big Candy Crush person, I automatically think they’re dumb. For no reason other than thumb golf is somehow more of a skilled shitter game than one about candy.

Clash of Clans is good. Wordle can lick my ass.

No one admits to having an embarrassing shitter game, but we all have one.

And while we’re here, anyone who says taking a phone into the bathroom is gross is lying. The only people who don’t play video games on their phones are 80, and they can’t afford the time it takes to find it before “Armageddon.”

Taking your phone to the bathroom HAS to be as big as I think it is because THIS:

We’re a society of liars, and it’s high time you assholes admit to what we all know. You have a shitter game too.

DB