Multiple class-action Defendant Doug Ford, aka the premier of Ontario, took his press conference schtick to a parking lot in Bramalea Thursday.

Convened to hype the upgrade of the local GO Train station, the event locale was a fitting choice.

Bramalea, Canada’s first “satellite city,” was the brainchild in the late 1960s of what became one of the largest real estate developers in Canada, Bramalea Ltd.

Doubtless in cahoots with the PC government of the day (although not as audaciously as is exhibited by the present-day Ford regime) developer Bramalea Ltd. plunked its contrived namesake municipality between Brampton and Malton and a lea, and then quickly built up a long list of investments all over Canada and the US.

By 1995, overextended, at one time $5 billion in debt, Bramalea Ltd. declared bankruptcy (but not before abandoning, on the cheap, the Bay Street property on which Scotiabank Arena now stands).

Against that suburban Ford Nation-adjacent backdrop, the fanboy of twice-impeached and accused rapist Donald Trump went on a defensive rant that likely didn’t make your local news.

For starters, Ford and entourage hit the podium roughly 30 minutes late, successfully delivering a subtle message that, having attained power, the King of Ford Nation is accountable to no one.

Ford lurked stage right of the lectern (unless speaking), arms hung stiffly at his side — like Trump.

The Ontario government’s YouTube feed remained locked in a two-shot on the Premier for a solid 45 minutes, Doug presenting his breezy and brassy persona for the assembled press pack, deflecting questions on matters ranging from the Greenbelt, the minimum wage, the Ring of Fire and casino money laundering.

But the belligerent, undereducated autocrat couldn’t resist cheap-shotting the Liberals even as he proclaimed himself a “collaborator” throughout his closely managed and controlled press conference wherein he applies his version of a premier’s notwithstanding clause — one question and one follow-up per reporter.

The format helps Ford stay on message and makes it less obvious when he refuses to answer questions. The tactic is more egregious in his case because he doesn’t care what anyone thinks beyond his own base of support.

But then he always has his elbows up.

Taking a cue from the presser’s transit theme, Ford spoke directly to a favoured constituency, small town and rural residents obsessed with cars, asphalt, gas stations and gas prices – this, after congratulating himself for foisting a core-destroying avalanche of new subways on Toronto that pleases construction unions but will turn the city’s downtown into a construction site for a decade:

“Friends, over the next 10 years, across the province, our government is investing over $70 billion in the biggest transit expansion in Canadian history. We are building fast and reliable rail options from Niagara in the west to Bowmanville in the east, and to Timmins and Cochrane in the north. We are building new subways, including the Ontario Line, Scarborough’s subway extension and the York North subway extension.

“While some people may say that we have to choose between building roads and transit, that doesn’t have to be the case. While we expand our transit system, we are investing $25 billion over the next 10 years to build new roads and highways.”

Note “Toronto” is a word never to be spoken.

Doubling down, Doug recites some unsubstantiated non-facts in a style reminiscent of Trump, his US mentor and soulmate:

“This includes the new Highway 413, which I know the people of Peel love; we heard it every single day, which will save drivers in Halton-Peel and York Regions up to 30 minutes each way on their commute.

“And the Bradford Bypass, a new, four-lane highway that connects Highways 400 and 404, that will save drivers up to 35 minutes per trip.

“We are building the transportation infrastructure the economy needs to reach its full potential, to keep people and goods moving.”

End announcement, cue questions.  On minimum wage:

“I think we have the highest minimum wage in the country, $16 and change.”

Incorrect, Asphalt Breath: Ontario’s rate is pegged at $15.50 (4th in Canada) rising to $16.55 on Oct. 1, 2023.

Conveniently forgetting the 2007-2009 job-killing Great Recession that almost destroyed the North American auto sector and cut world GDP by 5.1%, the hyperpartisan collaborator continued:

“I want to remind everyone, under the provincial Liberal government, 300,000 people, they were in [the unemployment] line; they weren’t — they didn’t even have a job to pay the bills. 650,000 people are working today that weren’t working four and a half years ago.

“We have a thriving economy, companies are coming in here by the droves. They are continuing to invest in cities like Brampton every single day. And we are going to make sure everyone has good-paying jobs so they don’t have to rely on the minimum wage. Sure, some people may start there; but it is a stepping stone to get up into the higher wage category.

“And the other area, this is an employees’ market. You know, sometimes, it is the other way around.  But nowadays, people are in desperate need of hiring people.”

Inserting more TrumpSpeak:

“We could walk through this business park all day, and every single door we knock on they say ‘We need, you know, one, two, 10, 15 people.’ And we just need more people coming through our door here in Ontario and calling it home.”

Independent scribe Charlie Pinkerton confronted Ford on the Greenbelt scandals:

“Staff in your office discussed changes to the Greenbelt months before the government announced them in early November, as reporting from this morning suggested. What was being discussed related to the Greenbelt by your staff, last August?”

Cue more deflection from the premier:

“Well, I just want to categorically say no. It wasn’t discussed. That is very simple: What we are there to do is to build homes, to make sure that we hit our targets of 1.5 million homes, and build it as quickly as possible, to knock down any barrier that is in the way of building homes. We had 445,000 people come to Ontario, and I used this example last time: You know, Florida and Texas always brag, they are the fastest-growing region in North America, a thousand people a day — that is 365,000.

“Texas is twice our size. We have 445,000 people coming here. We need homes, and we are going to knock down every barrier there is to make sure we build affordable, attainable, non-profit homes for the people of Ontario.”

Then the dreaded follow-up question, the bane of any tinpot leader’s existence:

“It has been seven months since you announced removal of properties from the Greenbelt. It has been a controversy ever since, and you face questions and criticism about it on a weekly, if not daily basis. The Auditor General and Integrity Commissioner, which are both investigating this [Greenbelt severance] decision, they each have powers that, as I understand it, will allow them to find out where the decision originated and how the process worked.

“So why not waive privilege and release the documents that show where this came from, if they did in fact come from the public service?”

Ford, channelling Trump’s “It was a beautiful call,” refrain, responded:

“Well, we are always going to work with the Commissioner, and we always have. And we continue to do so. But again, there was nothing wrong that happened here.”

Blame-shifting as he snubs the Auditor General, Doug shifts gear, offering up his “insider” information:

“You know, we had a Liberal government that a bunch of staffers randomly got a highlighter and went up and down [and marked] roads. They were going through golf courses, through buildings. It was just a big scam, as far as I am concerned.

“And, by the way, I just want to point out one more thing that no one has ever commented on. When I took office four and a half years ago, to now, the Greenbelt is 2,000 acres larger than when I took office. So I think we are doing pretty good on the so-called Greenbelt, as they — as the Liberals made up that name.”

Turns out Ford knows all about the backroom minutia from the Liberal era.

Now comes the eco-warrior persona to the fore:

“We have one of the best environmental records in the history of Ontario. I will challenge anyone to put our environmental record up against the previous government. And isn’t it amazing, isn’t it amazing, not one person in the media, when the Liberals decided to change it, not once, not twice, not four or five times — 17 times. I am going to repeat it — 17 times. There was no inquiry, there was nothing.”

On First Nations (FN) resistance to the extraction of critical minerals such as lithium buried in the Ring of Fire (500 kilometres north of Thunder Bay), an independent journalist suggested there was resistance among bands in the region.

In effect, would Ford rethink the project and get off his bulldozer, given FN opposition?

Cue Ford the Collaborator:

“Well, you know something? We are building that Ring of Fire as sure as I am talking to you. It is going to benefit the FN community. We put a billion dollars towards the roads. But this isn’t just going to bring opportunity and employment to the FN community; it is going to bring proper healthcare to the community, it is going to bring fresh food to the community. These communities are fly-in communities, and they are struggling. And, you know, we are going to work with the FN community; we will always be collaborative.

“We are going to work with them, anyways. It is going to benefit everyone, and we do need those critical minerals to be a leader in electric vehicles. We need lithium, we need cobalt, we need nickel. We need the processing plants to process these, right here. There are 34 critical minerals that we have, probably even more.”

Trump and Ford mind-melding via tinfoil transmission then ensues:

“If you want to get a real eye-opener?  Do you want to see what critical minerals Ontario has? Go to the Royal Ontario Museum. It is the best — probably the worst-kept secret, because it is beautiful in there, and we have all the critical minerals right there, for people to see. It is really astounding, and I just want to thank the people — and specifically Kim Tait, who runs the critical mineral area. She is a champion, by the way. And that is another selling tool for the world to come and take a look.”

The press, back on point, follows up:

“What are you going to do if they follow through on promises to block construction from crossing the Attawapiskat River? It seems like, if nothing changes, we are on path to some kind of conflict here.”

“Well, we don’t like conflict,” said Ford, identified by many as the slayer of the health and education sectors in Ontario. “We want to work with them, hand in hand, and be collaborative. And that is something, we would sit down with them and the other communities, to work things out. But this is critical to the future of Ontario, to be one of the leaders when it comes to critical minerals, not just in Canada and North America, but around the world.”

Against the backdrop of his outlandish and unilateral imposition of a casino and online gaming culture on the province, Ford was asked about $372 million in suspicious transactions at Ontario casinos:

“One man in particular did $4 million of these kinds of transactions.  Other jurisdictions aren’t letting cash move in such big amounts.  So why is Ontario?”

Ford, the shifty pol, comes back with more dealing from the bottom of the deck:

“Well, the OLG, if they see anything conspicuous or out of the norm, they call the OPP in. And they will do an investigation, like anything else. And I have all the confidence in the world in our OPP and along with the OLG. So any suspicious money flowing, they get contacted, and they will do an investigation.”

Sure they will, Doug. Truth be told, it is more glib, fortune-cookie wisdom and dealing from the bottom of the deck from a reckless chiseller standing atop a personality cult backed by less than two of five voters.

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