As far back as I can remember, Douggie always wanted to be a gangster. Not saying he is one, I’m just saying.

Also, there’s no such thing as the mafia.

Listen, the Greenbelt scandal isn’t a scandal at all. It’s just a big misunderstanding, like the reason Douggie wears a pinky ring, or the fact that he keeps a bag of cement in the trunk of his Cadillac. The fact that all of his paisans got a piece of the action is just a coincidence. Sure, many people from the old neighbourhood in Etobicoke have heard Doug yell “Fuck you, pay me” many times over the years, but that’s just Douggie being Douggie.

And yeah, Douggie was spotted recently handing out frozen horse heads from the back of a cube van, but he can explain that. I mean, he won’t, but he could if he wanted to. One thing Douggie knows is how to keep his mouth shut. Besides, those horse heads were just his way of sending a message to the pinkos at The Toronto Star. Allegedly. I mean, fuggetaboutit.

Besides, the Greenbelt thing, it was just a little taste. Something to wet his beak.

I mean, what are you going to do when a line-up of friends and associates asks you for a favor, at your daughter’s wedding no less? You do what any good leader would do – you give him an offer he can’t refuse. And then months later when you call in that favor, that’s just business, right?

Fuggetaboutit.

Premier Doug Ford is asked if nothing wrong happened in the Greenbelt dealing — then why did Housing Minister Steve Clark’s Chief of Staff Ryan Amato resign.

He doesn’t answer the basis of the question. pic.twitter.com/l6CNwyb4k1

— Ahmar Khan (@AhmarSKhan) August 25, 2023

Let’s face it, Auston Matthews isn’t gonna pay his rent. In this world, you can’t beg for scraps, you gotta take it. Douggie isn’t some clown, here to amuse you. I mean, what’s so fucking funny about Douggie? You saw him at the press conference. He’s not the type to fold under questioning. In fact, the man hasn’t answered a decent question in years. And there’s nothing anybody can do about it.

You may be asking yourself, what kind of person are you Douggie? The answer is simple, it’s just that Douggie don’t answer no questions.

All I know is, there was nothing untoward regarding the way everyone got a piece of the Greenbelt. Nothing. Now get in Douggie’s trunk, Benzie.

Caption this. pic.twitter.com/XKTUuaqfXQ

— James DiFiore (@jamesdifiore) August 25, 2023

And hey, these rumours have got to stop. When Douggie was heard at a meeting telling everyone to “say hello to my little friend,” he was talking about Ryan Amato. Today, Ryan Amato swims with the fishes. And by fishes I mean lawyers. And by lawyers I mean rat bastards. It’s a vicious cycle. Fuggetaboutit.

It’s true, Douggie never had the makings of a varsity athlete, but the way the man handles distribution of cash is a testament to his reputation of being a hard worker. And nobody, I mean nobody can stuff a front shirt pocket with a twenty-dollar bill better than old Douggie.

So listen up you rat fucks. Douggie doesn’t want to be a product of his environment. He wants his environment to be a product of him. That’s just business. If you want a piece of the action, you need to step up. If you don’t step up, what are you gonna do?.

Finally, I don’t know what you think Douggie did to deserve this profitless Greenbelt, but if I were you I’d keep my mouth shut.

Capisce? Good.

Now go home and get your fucking shine box.

https://twitter.com/MichaelWarbur17/status/1604908936775503872?s=20