Every night the Blue Jays are playing I wish I was there. Even when they were in Toronto and I was watching them from home I always just wanted to be there live. This pandemic has exacerbated my Jays FOMO because now I can’t even see these guys if I really wanted to since they’re an entire border crossing away. And out of all the games the Jays have played over the last two seasons in Buffalo and Dunedin I think this has to be the one I’m gonna hate to miss most. And that’s cause it’s Vladdy bobblehead day.

Seeing Hazel Mae’s tweet announcing they’d be giving away Vlad’s bobblehead this Friday had me feelin some type of way. On one hand, I was thrilled to find out that Sahlen Field in Buffalo would be moving to full capacity because a packed ballpark is always more visually pleasing than an empty one. But Hazel also shattered my heart because if the Jays were gonna do a bobblehead giveaway then damnit I wanted to be there.

I’ve had the Guerrero bobblehead giveaway circled on my calendar for a year and a half. When selecting which 2020 games I’d go to as part of my season ticket plan I specifically picked March 28th because I had to have that Vladdy bobblehead. Not only do I love any and every bobblehead but this one looks sick and the home run counter base is just icing on the cake. I’d be like a damn child moving that ticker every time Vladito hit one yard. Instead I’m just gonna be sitting on my couch as the Sportsnet broadcast does everything in their power to remind us that tonight was Vlad bobblehead night and that all of their fans in Ontario didn’t get the chance to grab one.

NOBODY circles the bases like Vladdy 😤 #PLAKATA 💥 pic.twitter.com/J76GGZA05S

— Toronto Blue Jays (@BlueJays) June 25, 2021

As much as I’d like to have the Blue Jays back at the Rogers Centre to be able to enjoy the experience of being at a ballgame, I NEED them back here so I can scoop up every bobblehead giveaway that comes my direction. I’m practically a Dyson for random baseball collectibles.

Being someone who would go to as many bobblehead giveaway games as physically possible when the Jays were in Toronto it kills me that I won’t be able to get to this one. I’ve stood in lines in front of the Rogers Centre for HOURS before the gates opened to get bobbleheads in the past. I was so gotdamn early for the Donaldson MVP giveaway that I was the second person in line at Gate 12, which made me think “shit I guess I didn’t have to drag my mom downtown on a Sunday morning this early”. And I’d always drag my mom to games early so that tells you just how early we were that day.

Getting tickets Seeing
to Vladdy's Vladdy bobblehead
bobblehead game is now
game that was tonight in
originally Buffalo
03/28/20 #BlueJays pic.twitter.com/VFr4SAxmdF

— Nick Reid (@ReidAboutSports) June 25, 2021

So to say that I’m suffering with the fact that I’ll be absent from tonight’s Blue Jays game would be an understatement. I need that bobblehead more than I need air in my lungs, and it sucks I won’t get that experience of an usher handing one out to me as I walk through those gates like when a hula girl puts a lei around your neck as soon as you get off the plane in Hawaii. Or at least that’s what I always envisioned arriving in Hawaii would be like.

While America is a bit of a nutcase I’ve never wanted to be American (particularly an upstate New Yorker, which definitely aren’t people I ever thought I’d be envious of) as badly as I do now. I’m on the verge of swimming across the Niagara Falls just so I could get my hands on slim Vladdy’s bobblehead and catch the Jays lay a beatdown on the Baltimore Orioles.

If you’re one of the first 7,000 fans to get into Sahlen Field tonight, just know that there’s at least one miserable Canadian bastard that’s incredibly jealous of your new piece of memorabilia that you’ll probably try to sell on eBay.