Friends actor Matthew Perry passed away yesterday at his home in Los Angeles. According to reports, he drowned.

He was 54.

Matthew had been sober for some time. His documented struggles and near-death experiences from 2 decades of struggling with drug and alcohol addiction were well documented. His book detailed some harrowing experiences. But more importantly, his book described his desire to be happy.

To get it right.

The first words of Matthew Perry’s book is the most chilling thing I’ve ever read pic.twitter.com/fUgT8Afel8

— esra (@1989healy) October 29, 2023

“Friends, Lovers, And The Big Terrible Thing” was one of the most honest accounts of someone struggling through real addiction that I’ve ever read. Right there with Oliver Burkeman’s 4000 weeks. I’m sure most of you read it for the gore and inside bullshit. I read it a little differently than most.

My biggest takeaway from Perry’s memoir was his courage never to quit asking for help, no matter how deep he was. He never gave up on the idea of a happy, sober Matthew Perry. He perpetuated that courage while struggling to stay sober. By setting up a sober living house and helping countless friends into the same treatment facilities and meetings he’d frequent, Perry, who shunned the spotlight later in life, quietly went about living his courage by giving it out as a gift to those who needed his.

It’s the same for most of us. We get to a point where the misery outweighs the fleeting nature of booze (or drugs). We search for happiness and joy instead of a chemical experience and want to share those secrets with others. That’s what Matthew Perry spent the remaining years of his life doing. He helped others, making the world around him a little bit better by sharing his vulnerability with other courageous people who needed his vulnerability to see a path to that elusive “happy life” most of us tried to find in a bottle.

And, it’s what he wanted to be remembered for – nothing else.

RIP Matthew Perry. Helping people with their addiction is what he wanted to be remembered for, most. Let’s share this message in his memory today… pic.twitter.com/ZJhXWsmkic

— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) October 29, 2023

Our decisions dictate our happiness and life experience. You had a 1 in 400 quadrillion chance of being born into this beautiful world. Experience the promise that comes from asking for help. Doing so takes courage. Advocate for yourself. Don’t wait. ❤️

— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) October 29, 2023

Our stories are all the same. We all struggle to find meaning and happiness. Some of us self-medicate through that process when it doesn’t come naturally. Past resentments, anger, the arduous journey of a hard life; everything we experience begs us to find the courage it takes to live well and find a way to be truly happy. Adversity is life begging us to improve, and the immense courage it takes to believe you are worth trying is a superpower. It’s heroic.

So be a hero today for you and the people you love. Love yourself enough today to lead with courage. If you are struggling, ask a fellow warrior for help. Perry did. Regardless of how his life ended, he set a human example and lived the promise that comes with giving yourself a chance.

I reached out for help six years ago. I’ve seen dozens of people experience the promise I experience every day. I don’t control when the end comes, but I do control how I respond to life today, and those beautiful decisions have given me the beautiful life I fought for. The same one Matthew Perry fought for until the bitter end.

Death comes for all of us. It’s guaranteed. Our happiness and life are not. Your happiness is up to you. How long you get to live that joy is not. We’re all dying, so when will you live?

Remember death – “Momento Mori.” 

It’s Latin. It’s a reminder that there are no redo’s and that certainty creates a sense of peaceful urgency in my life today. People like Matthew remind me of the importance of life. Not death.

RIP Matthew Perry. Thank you.

DB