For many parents – you are counting down the minutes until the little one’s head back to school.

Maybe you aren’t. Maybe I am being presumptuous.

Maybe this Summer you have adored having the kids around 24/7 and spending tons of time and money entertaining them.

Tell me your secret if this is the case because we all know that kids are assholes.

Truth is, I love being a parent but parenting sucks.

I have vetted this question and have only come back with affirmations in that statement.  Feel free to argue me otherwise and we will host a parent Olympics so you can battle out how and why it doesn’t.

Here are my top reasons why:

• Who am I?
  • Ya enough said cause when my child is around, I am basically cat litter getting shit on around each bend. Sure there is some pride and joy in being dispensable and overtly needed by these mini versions of ourselves, but on the scale of importance: I am a -5.
• Kids are stubborn, needy and outspoken.
  • Okay, I placed a bunch of childlike qualities in a bucket under this heading because at least one should resonate with the typical family dynamic. In fact, children are assholes when they exhibit any one of these qualities. Shut up, do as I say and no – you can’t have that. (in the kindest mom voice ever of course)
• Unbiased honesty
  • I used to enjoy the freedom of making bad choices and saying bad words. You think any of this can fly as a mom to a young boy?  I can’t get away with anything! Language, bad habits and now on the table is my attire, meal cooking and overall appearance.

“Mom, you should really go change that and wear something that impresses me” and “oh wow mommy, you’re getting kinda fat!”.

Choice words sealed between my lips and then…. Fuck, release!

• Kids are expensive
  • There was a time before having a child where I had this thing called “disposable income”. Nowadays I have this bane of existence,  my life called “debt”.  Between activities, memberships, clothing (stop growing the minute you get new shoes kid), outings, vacations, general taxin’, sports and oh wait, the clincher FOOD.  I have a growing boy that I am pretty sure is going to ensure I am destitute based on his healthy appetite by the time he is a teenager.

But let’s get back to basics because I love being a parent even though the obvious suck me dry moments are bound to happen. Hell – I elected for this by the chosen plan of attack in my life and no matter how many irked moments come along with it – I could not imagine a life without the child who has taught me much.

Before kids, I was impatient, self-seeking and maybe – too free.

This lot in my life comes with the ups and downs just like any relationship so do not misinterpret my blatant bones to pick as insincere.

Truthfully, all I have ever wanted in life is to be a wife and mother.  I have the one box checked and with that – I stay true to my love for being a parent.  No matter how much, it can still suck.

Happy Labour Day Y’all and remember to start pinteresting your lunches tonight momma’s…. for that short-lived first week back when you give a shit.