Disclaimer: Any woman who decides to give birth is a goddamn hero. I firmly believe that if men had to carry the child and then birth it, the earth’s population would be in the thousands.

That being said, I think I’m kind of freaking out.

Sometime in the next couple of weeks (if all goes to plan) I will be the proud father of my third boy so this ain’t my first rodeo, but there is something about THIS pregnancy that has my stomach in knots.

I noticed it a few weeks ago. All of a sudden I was stress eating everything in sight! And this wasn’t just because I was eating more with my wife. If anything she’s lost some weight in the last nine months but not me. I’m putting away food like a passenger on a cruise ship.

The worst part about it is, I can’t put my finger on it. We are ready.

The “to-go” bags are packed. The car seat base is installed. The bassinet, clothes, diapers, and change table are all stocked. This baby was not an accident so it’s not like there are any mixed emotions there. I know what to expect (as much as reasonably possible) and my mental health has been fairly stable for the past several months. So I’m left to speculate.

Maybe it’s because it’s my last baby. My wife and I are done after this, so maybe I’m excited. Maybe, because it’s my last baby, I’m putting pressure on myself to get this one right? No disrespect to the first two but have you ever perfected anything on your first attempt? (This will be the first thing they show their therapist one day)

Could it be that I’ve bought into all the horror stories of “baby #3”? I’ve heard pretty consistently that once you are outnumbered as adults shit gets real. There’s logic there that I can’t argue. We even had one person suggest having a 4th quickly because then you can pair them up for days out. That makes sense too, but it’s not happening here.

Part of me was selfishly hoping that putting my thoughts down in writing might help me find some reason or logic but it didn’t. I’m still anxious, and that’s okay.

Parenting is simultaneously the hardest and most rewarding thing I get to do. My best guess is that the nerves and anxiety mean I care a great deal about my family and that’s a good thing. If I was genuinely dreading or indifferent toward this next stage of my life, this article would have looked and sounded VERY different.

All that is to say that Dads young and old go through the process of childrearing just like Moms. We have feelings that are irrational and hard to comprehend but a lot of times we keep them bottled up because we know how much harder our partners have it. But I assure you, you’re not alone.