Perhaps Deshaun Watson Should Just Masturbate

Apr 6, 2022

Cleveland Browns’ creepy quarterback Deshaun Watson will need to address his history with massage therapists, and his answer could very well determine his NFL discipline.

By now we all know that Deshaun Watson has been accused by 22 different women of sexual misconduct. At the time that the accusers filed their lawsuit, 18 other massage therapists publicly supported Watson, and denied that he had been inappropriate with them. 

The character references could be what ultimately fucks Watson over. 

The attorney for the accusers wants Watson to reveal his relationship with the 18 massage therapists and whether or not Watson had sexual relationships with them. The plaintiffs argument is, it would determine a pattern, and highlight why Watson would set up the massages. 

I didn’t know the courts could force you to reveal your sexual partners if they were neither defendants or plaintiffs, but I learned something new today. 

A Harris County District Judge ruled in the Plaintiff’s favor, and Watson has thirty-days to kiss and tell.

The NFL has stayed pretty quiet about the entire Watson situation. Roger Goodell said there’s no time limit, and an independent arbitrator will determine if Watson’s conduct deserves a penalty.   

This is where it gets tricky.

Whether innocent or guilty, he’s still a creep. The NFL is also going to have decide whether or not Watson setting up massages for sexual favours is punishable.

It’s a whacked situation, and assuming innocent until proven guilty, I hope Watson has learned that keeping his dick tucked away when he’s getting a rub down is the smart way to go.  

Let’s live in a fictional world where all the massage therapists he’s done this with were willing participants. That means at minimum, Watson has paid for a sexual act atleast thirty times.

Dude, masturbate.


Contributing Writers

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