Perv Landscaper Put Maple Syrup On His Knob, Flashed The Female Home Owner Aaaannd It Worked.

Dec 16, 2018

Source:  The Connecticut landscaper facing a voyeurism charge for secretly recording a sexual encounter with a female friend–a tryst

that included the application of maple syrup and blueberry jelly–was jailed this week for violating a protective order barring him from contacting the victim.

Robert Somley, 52, is being held in the Bridgeport jail on $150,000 bond after he allegedly sought to intimidate the 48-year-old victim. In addition to a witness tampering charge, Somley was hit with a second felony count for violating a protective order.

beard pancakes GIF by Ethan Barnowsky

According to investigators, the woman was helping Somley load wood into a trailer outside his residence. 

When 15 minutes passed and Somley did not join her loading the trailer, the woman returned to the apartment. There she found Somley “completely naked”and “watching porn on the laptop.” Somley, the woman told cops, explained that he “had to ‘jerk off’ before he started to work.”

Somley, cops noted, “then told her to go outside” and “give him a few minutes.”

After 20 minutes went by and Somley had not appeared outside, the woman again entered the apartment. This time, Somley was “near the entrance naked with maple syrup on his penis.”

Somley, she said, began touching her breasts, which left her in a “turned on”state. The woman added that she was a “willing participant” in the sexual activity that followed (masturbation, cunnilingus, contact while bent over furniture, etc.). In addition to the maple syrup, cops says, the duo employed blueberry jelly during their encounter.

The sexual activity paused when Somley complained of back pain due to the “awkward position” he was in behind the woman, who was draped over an L-shaped couch. To alleviate his discomfort, Somley “began looking for his Aspercreme,” the woman recalled.

When the woman subsequently agreed to Somley’s request to “blow him,” she noticed that he was recording her with a cell phone. “What the fuck?” the irate woman demanded. Somley reportedly replied that, “it was nothing and that it would be fun later when he plays the video for her.” The woman told police that she “became extremely upset and started to freak out.” She also said that she suspected Somley was “video taping her instead of masturbating” while he was earlier perched behind her for 45 minutes.

When the woman asked Somley to delete the footage he allegedly refused, prompting her to contact police. The victim “even offered $1000 to Somley, which he declined,”cops reported.

sexy make love GIF

In case the headline makes it look like we’re condoning doing stuff like this to unsuspecting women, we are not.

This is, however, the first time I’ve read a story I’ve read about a sicko pouring breakfast condiments on his dick hoping the lady of the house likes what she sees, “turning the victim on.”  For that, I hold this post up as an exception to the rule.

He was doing so well until he recorded her without her consent and started to creep her after his arrest.  I wonder if this horny housewife expected an out of work landscaper/Pervert who has to jerk off with syrup before work, to be reasonable in a lovers quarrel over a voyeurism charge.

Lesson learned I guess?

Dean Blundell

Dean Blundell is a Canadian radio personality. Best known as a longtime morning host on CFNY-FM (The Edge) in Toronto, Ontario. In 2015 he was named the new morning host on sports radio station CJCL (Sportsnet 590 The Fan). Dean started his career in radio in 2001 and for nearly 20 years been entertaining the radio audience. Dean’s newest venture is the launch of his site and podcast which is gaining tremendous momentum across North America.

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