Canada Day 2024 brought more than fireworks and maple leaf flags—it delivered a surprising makeover for Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre.

And his tits looked incredible.

Hmmm. #WheresAna? pic.twitter.com/CmeLjcC4WF

— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) July 2, 2024

The typically buttoned-up politician stepped out in a plumber/dad bod chic look that defeated the purpose of this years million dollar makeover and photoshopped pics of him looking like Henry Cavill instead of this:

Poilievre’s Patriotic Makeover

Gone were the stuffy suits and nerdy glasses that once defined Poilievre’s image. Instead, the Conservative leader sported a Home Hardware employee-type golf shirt that was five sizes too small. A t-shirt that left little to the imagination, paired with some questionably tight beach shorts, black socks, AND black shoes. The ensemble was topped off with a pair of aviator sunglasses, giving him a look that screamed, “Top Gun meets Tim Fucking Hortons.”

And I don’t know who this is, but she doesn’t look like his wife…

While Poilievre’s new threads were turning heads, his wife, Ana’s absence, got people talking. The couple, usually inseparable at public events, haven’t been seen together in months. Ana’s absence from the Canada Day celebrations only fueled the rumor mill further. Was it a deliberate strategy to present Poilievre as a more relatable “everyman,” or is there trouble in conservative paradise?

Is Ana hiding from the “Make Canada Great Again” MapleMAGATS who want to send her and her extended family back to Venezuela?

Are the rumors of Pierre and Ana’s demise true? And is THAT Home Hardware, man-tittied, hungover look a window into the demise of PeePee and Ana’s 7-year arranged love affair?

I’ll choose to remember them like this if it’s over. LOLZ.

Why my husband is doing this. pic.twitter.com/MXpCY3dkQR

— Anaida Poilievre (@AnaPoilievre) August 8, 2023

The Curious Case of the Missing Ana

Ana Poilievre’s absence from recent events, including the all-important Canada Day celebrations, has raised eyebrows across the political spectrum. While Pierre was busy showcasing his new look and glad-handing with constituents, Ana was nowhere to be seen. This departure from their usual united front has sparked speculation about potential personal or political motivations behind the decision.

What. Is. He. Wearing.

— InTheirWords (@dh_vcr) July 2, 2024

Tight Tees and Political Strategy

Poilievre’s choice of a form-fitting white t-shirt for Canada Day was far from his usual attire. While some praised the more casual look as an attempt to appear more approachable, others couldn’t help but notice that it perhaps revealed more than intended. Like his milk bag body, middle-aged hooters, and a French Canadian moose knuckle fit for a European beach in the 80’s. The tight fit highlighted certain physical features that most politicians prefer to keep under wraps – namely, what some might unkindly refer to as “moobs” or man boobs.

This fashion choice raises an interesting question: Was this a calculated move to appear more relatable or a simple wardrobe malfunction? Either way, Poilievre is attempting to reshape his image as he gears up for the next election with Moobs, and I like that. You know, for the commoner.

MOOBY Cancelling Fashion Tips for the Politically Inclined

For those looking to avoid Poilievre’s fashion faux pas, here are some tips for dressing appropriately for your body type:

1. Choose the right fit: Avoid overly tight clothing that can accentuate unflattering areas. Opt for well-fitted garments that skim the body without clinging.

2. Layer strategically: A light jacket or open button-up shirt can help create a more flattering silhouette. Think Steve Bannon minus the skin tags.

3. Consider fabric choices: Thicker, more structured fabrics can help smooth out problem areas better than thin, clingy materials. Thicker, darker fabrics are moody killers, Pierre. Someone on your team should know that.

4. Embrace vertical lines: Vertical stripes or patterns can create a slimming effect and draw the eye up and down rather than side to side.

5. Don’t forget posture: Good posture can make a world of difference in how clothes fit and how confident you appear.

And never stack like this:

The Political Implications

Poilievre’s mooby makeover and Ana’s juul absence come at a crucial time for the Conservative Party. With recent byelection victories and a significant poll lead, Poilievre seems to be repositioning himself as a more approachable, everyday Canadian. However, this strategy is not without risks. While some voters may appreciate the more casual approach, others might question whether this new image is authentic or simply a calculated political move.

As Canada approaches the next federal election, all eyes will be on Pierre Poilievre and his evolving public image/hooters. Whether his new look and solo appearances will resonate with voters remains to be seen. One thing’s for sure – in politics, image is everything, and Poilievre is willing to take some risks to reshape his.

Only time will tell if Ana Poilievre’s absence from the public eye is temporary or part of a larger strategy. Until then, Canadians will be left to speculate about the curious case of the Conservative leader’s new look and his missing ‘wife.’

I still want to hear that story of her poor Venezuela banking father, leaving penniless with the family.

How the family rolled up on the shores of Montreal on a wooden pallet floating in the St Lawrence.

And suddenly he's got a bunch of money again.

— Keri Takahashi 🇺🇦 (@KeriHighBridge) July 3, 2024

Remember, in politics, as in fashion, it’s not just about what you wear but how you wear it. Let’s hope for Poilievre’s sake that his next outfit choice is a little more forgiving – and that Ana reappears soon to help him pick a bra that fits!

Man-Spanx is a thing, bro.