“Putin’s Security Tasked With Collecting Putin’s Poop To Hide Health Conditions” Might Be The Headline Of The Century

Jun 14, 2022

And a terrible job to get put on right out of Russian FSB training.

Source: President Vladimir Putin’s bodyguards collect his poop when he travels abroad, according to a report from two investigative journalists. 

The claim was made by Regis Gente, the author of two books on Russia, and Mikhail Rubin, who has covered Russia for 13 years, in a Thursday report for the French news magazine Paris Match.

According to the article, the responsibility for collecting Putin’s feces lies with the Federal Protection Service, the department tasked with protecting Putin and other government officials.

According to Gente and Rubin, each time Putin needs to go, an FSO agent places his excrement in a specialized packet so that it can be returned to Russia in a suitcase.

If you beleive this story (and I do) there poop in the this guy’s suitcase. Putin’s poop.

Being Putin’s poop bagman would be incredible. His only job? Collect Putin’s turd’s to prevent foreign government’s from knowing how sick he really is. He has Parkinson’s AND cancer according to literally EVERYONE. Putin doesn’t want his friends or enemies to know how fucked he is for fear of a coup or timeline of his death. He wants people to live in fear, which is hard to do when you find out his body guard has to pick up his shit like a responisble dog owner.

Putin’s doody is flown back to Moscow on a separate flight (he only does this when he shits somewhere other than the Kremlin) then tested by a team of doctors that monitor his poop daily.

That’s some next level paranoia AND an incredible power move. Putin making some young Russin pick up his shit, is one of the most demeaningly awesome things I’ve heard a head of state doing.

Queen Elizabeth made hotels put mashed potatoes in toilets to prevent noise/ splashing on her backside.

Michael Jackson made staff save his urine.

Getting your body guard to pick up your road dumps? That’s next level power trip shit with a medical purpose but he probably laughs and watches with glee as that shit bagger fishes Vlad dumps.

I bet he thought he’d be doing soemthing other than bagging turds when he went to spy school.





Dean Blundell

Dean Blundell is a Canadian radio personality. Best known as a longtime morning host on CFNY-FM (The Edge) in Toronto, Ontario. In 2015 he was named the new morning host on sports radio station CJCL (Sportsnet 590 The Fan). Dean started his career in radio in 2001 and for nearly 20 years been entertaining the radio audience. Dean’s newest venture is the launch of his site and podcast which is gaining tremendous momentum across North America.

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