HuffPo: The quarter-mile-long container ship that’s currently blocking the Suez Canal traced a distinctly phallic route in the hours before being blown off course and becoming stuck on Tuesday morning. The route charted by the MV Ever Given in the Red Sea before entering the Egyptian waterway appeared to resemble a penis, testicles and butt cheeks when viewed as GPS data, per images and video shared online by the live boat tracking websites Vessel Finder.

The most expensive shipping disaster in history happened because the captain of Ever Given wanted to draw a dick and balls going into a bum.   Story of the year.

ALERT According to nautical tracking service VesselFinder, the massive Ever Given charted a route resemblant of a penis, testicles and an enormous butt in the Red Sea before it became stuck in Suez Canal pic.twitter.com/IVqL6qM29p

— Insider Paper (@TheInsiderPaper) March 24, 2021

This went from being a mistake you could see from outer space to a mistake you could see from outer space because someone wanted to draw a dick and balls with a 1320 foot boat worth 400 million per hour.

Suez Canal blockage is delaying an estimated $400 million an hour in goods https://t.co/SoiHwwQ5q1

— CNBC (@CNBC) March 25, 2021

The Suez Canal Authority hasn’t gotten the ship unstuck yet but they did make this great sizzle reel of them not getting the ship unstuck set to what sounds like a royalty-free version of the Tenet soundtrack https://t.co/WEf27ekums pic.twitter.com/ZRTeO3m7yU

— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) March 25, 2021

According to Lloyd’s List, the westbound lane of the Suez Canal is responsible for 5 billion in goods shipped PER DAY while the eastbound lane does 4 billion. It is the most important waterway in the world and hundreds of boats are backed up waiting to get into the canal and that’s not happening.

I’d love to sit in on the ship captain’s next job review now the giant sea dick is in play.

D