Bitcoin
National Security
Canada
Media
Canadian History
Ontario
International
Politics
Crypto Currency
News
Cult
Booze
Entertainment
NFL
Tech
Viral
Awesomeness

The Legendary Story of How Canada and Mexico Took First Lady Trump to the “Trade War” Woodshed

Feb 4, 2025

I know Trump is dumb, as are his followers, but somehow, I expected more from the Rapist and his minions.

After spending the first 2 weeks of his illegitimate presidency belly-aching about being treated poorly by a nation that sends its people to die for their sovereignty, Trump officially caved to his planned Tariffs for Canadian goods and services because he’s a fucking moron. Literally.

Canada has to pretend there’s a problem at the border, and it’s our problem while appointing a fake “Border Czar” to communicate with Americans, all based on shit we’re already doing. Essentially, we put an American cover letter on a Canadian policy and told them it was for them.

Dumb F******.

Let’s break down this comedy.

1. The Setup: Trump’s Tariff Tantrum

President Trump, in his signature style, threatened to impose hefty tariffs on Canadian and Mexican imports, citing concerns over illegal immigration and drug trafficking. He demanded that both nations bolster their border security or face economic consequences. The problem? The Drug and immigration “problem” Trump wanted Canada to fix is a lie. Less than 1% of illegal fentanyl/immigration comes from Canada. Canadians aren’t stupid. This was a play for our sovereignty, with Tariffs as the opening salvo.

2. Canada’s “New” Plan: Use Trump’s Nuclear Stupidity 

In December 2024, Canada unveiled a $1.3 billion initiative to enhance border security. This initiative included deploying new helicopters, advanced technology, and additional personnel to monitor and secure the border. Fast-forward to February 2025, and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau presented this same plan as a fresh response to Trump’s demands. The punchline? It was the same plan, just with a new bow on top.

We put American cover art on the existing Canadian plan, and Trump liked it—again—because he’s dumb.

3. Mexico’s “Fresh” Approach. LOLZ

Similarly, Mexico had already stationed 10,000 National Guard troops at its northern border months prior. When Trump rattled his tariff saber, President Claudia Sheinbaum reintroduced this deployment as a new commitment to border security. In reality, yesterday’s news served as today’s special.

4. The Hilariously Ego Driven Outcome

Both nations effectively handed Trump their existing border security measures wrapped in shiny new packaging, and he bought it hook, line, and sinker. The administration celebrated these “new” commitments, seemingly oblivious that they were already in place. Mexico has done a great job managing its border with the US over the past 6 months, and the problem at the Canadian border has never been an issue. More drugs, guns, and illegals come into Canada from the US by a factor of ten. Canada’s beefed-up border security plan is about protecting Canadians from American smuggling. Not the other way around. We just catered to Trump’s diaper-stained ego, and because he’s as dumb as his cult followers, he bought it.

3. The Desperate Offramp

With markets facing backlash and advisors warning against antagonizing key allies, it’s plausible that Trump was eager for a way to de-escalate. The repackaged plans from Canada and Mexico provided the perfect excuse to pause the tariffs without admitting defeat. Plus, all the booing at professional Canadian sporting events started going viral. LOLZ.

The Takeaway

Canada and Mexico showcased the power of a well-played bluff, turning potential conflict into a comedic case study of political strategy and comedy. They used Trump’s ego and stupidity to win. Not hard. As for the Trump administration, this serves as a reminder that sometimes, the oldest tricks in the book are the most effective—especially when no one bothers to check the publication date, and you hire religious morons to conduct trade wars.

America is a fascist kakistocracy now. That’s when you fill the government with highly unqualified, alt-right racists who are too busy trying to build concentration camps for immigrants actually to run a country.

I feel like that might be a good thing for Canada.

Global Reactions? A Collective Eye Roll

Trade experts and journalists quickly pointed out the absurdity of Trump’s claims. Many noted that Canada and Mexico had effectively played Trump, using his bluster against him. By showcasing their pre-existing plans, they managed to de-escalate the situation without making any real concessions.

In Canada, this episode has had an unexpected silver lining. The government’s firm yet measured response to Trump’s tariffs has fostered a sense of unity across the country. Canadians from all walks of life have rallied together to protect our interests and sovereignty, providing a refreshing break from the divisions specific political figures and media personalities have stoked.

Speaking of those who thrive on division, how about the Canadian assholes who tried to help Trump and hurt Canada?

Dimwits like Danielle Smith, Don Braid, and Brian Lilley – often bordering on the traitorous, their narratives have done little to advance Canada’s interests. Perhaps they should dig a deep traitorous hole to hide in for the next ten years. I would.

Watching them whinge and whine like Trump apologists begging for relevance from MAGAmericans while actively rooting against Canadian interests told the entire country everything we need to know about MAPLEMAGA and their paid supporters. You don’t fucking matter. You aided and abetted a foreign nation against the best interests of Canadian sovereignty and national security by bending a knee to a President hellbent on turning Canada into the “51st State.” Traitorous, traitorous shit.

The Takeaway

Ultimately, Trump’s tariff threats amounted to little more than what filled his daily diapers.

Shit.

Canada and Mexico stood firm, showcased their existing commitments, and left Trump to claim a hollow victory. It’s a masterclass in diplomacy and a testament to the strength and resilience of our nation.

So, here’s to Canada—and REAL CANADIANS—playing chess and booing anthems while others are busy playing checkers or tiddlywinks.

And here’s to a United Canada standing up together for the first time in years.

And here’s to the DUMBEST president and least qualified government America has ever seen.

Hey, MAGA – Maybe send better people next time.

Dean Blundell

Dean Blundell is a Canadian radio personality. Best known as a longtime morning host on CFNY-FM (The Edge) in Toronto, Ontario. In 2015 he was named the new morning host on sports radio station CJCL (Sportsnet 590 The Fan). Dean started his career in radio in 2001 and for nearly 20 years been entertaining the radio audience. Dean’s newest venture is the launch of his site and podcast which is gaining tremendous momentum across North America.

Subscribe Now!

Which newsletters would you like to receive?

Yes! By providing my email address, I agree to receive communications from Crier Media (this can be changed at any time). Please take a look at the Privacy Policy and Terms of Use for more details.

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Related stories