The List Of “Things” Removed From People’s Rectums Last Year Is Intense…
Hey. Crier Media is a judgment-free zone. Do you like assplay? Good for you.
I was wedgied once in the 10th grade, so I’m out, but some of you took ass play (Weiner and Vajayjay play, too) to the moon in 2022:
NY Post: Researchers at the University of Rochester in New York were stumped by the “little epidemiologic information on this condition,” so they decided to analyze emergency reports from 2012 to 2021.
The study — said to be the first “nationally representative data” on rectal foreign bodies in the US — found 38,948 emergency department visits based on 885 cases in this time period among party poopers older than 15.
Researchers scoured the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System for injuries involving the “pubic region” or “lower trunk,” with “an accompanying diagnosis of foreign body, puncture, or laceration.”
Results
From 885 cases, there were an estimated 38,948 emergency department visits for rectal foreign bodies among individuals ≥15 years from 2012 to 2021. The average age was 43, 77.8% were male, 55.4% of foreign bodies were sexual devices, and 40.8% required hospitalization. The annual incidence of presentations for rectal foreign bodies increased from 1.2 in 2012 to 1.9 per 100,000 persons in 2021.
Guess the object in this real ER X-ray ?
Yeah a toy stuck in the rectum due to accidental button push.
Most rectal foreign bodies result from erotic activities, with common items being vibrators, dildos & bottles.
Some may have been swallowed & later cause rectal
( 1/n ) pic.twitter.com/qaYaa2ub3l
— Dr. Ayush 𝕏 🍥 (@Ur_Dr_Ayush) July 7, 2023
Researchers also found an increase in hospital visits for rectal foreign items over the time span they studied, rising from 1.2 per 100,000 persons in 2012 to 1.9 in 2021.
“These data quantify a frequently encountered clinical presentation that has received little research focus,” the study’s authors wrote.
“These data suggest that there are distinct sex and age-specific differences in outcomes that may have an anatomic or behavioral basis.”
In April, the Visual Journal of Emergency Surgery reported that a man had to be rushed into emergency surgery after getting a can of deodorant stuck in his butt.
And last year, a French senior citizen left doctors shell-shocked when he arrived with a World War I artillery shell lodged in his rectum.
It caused the hospital to be partially evacuated over bomb scare concerns.
Who HASN’T driven a WW1 artillery shell in themselves on a lazy Sunday afternoon??? Or a squirrel?
We put things in ourselves at a rate human history has never seen before. And we didn’t stop at the anus. NOOOO. We risked with penal/vaginal foreign objects too…
Penis
- CAR KEY
- WOODEN SPOON
- NAIL
- PENCIL
- “SOME BEADS”
- SEVEN-INCH SILICON TUBE
- PAPER CLIP
- COMB TEETH
- PIECE OF SOAP
- “CEILING FAN CHAIN IN HIS PENIS HOLE, STATES IT HAS BEEN THERE SINCE HIS SHOWER AT 9 LAST NIGHT”
- SCREWDRIVER TIP
- INFLATABLE SEX TOY
- USB CORD
- CELL PHONE CHARGER AND 14-INCH CORD
Vagina
- COIN
- SCREW
- “WAS HOLDING A PEN NEAR HER VAGINA WHEN THE CAP DISLODGED AND STUCK INSIDE”
- TWO PENCIL SHARPENERS
- BUTTERFLY CHARM
- DRINKING CUP
- BOBBY PIN
- GOLF BALL
- “FLASHLIGHT PLACED IN VAGINA BY PATIENT AT HOME BUT HAD NO INTENTION OF IT BECOMING STUCK”
- DRUMSTICK
- NAIL POLISH BOTTLE
- CAMERA LENS CAP
- UNSCENTED SOAP BAR
- PERFUMED SOAP BAR
- SOAP DISPENSER
- SPATULA
The rectum is universal, so it gets more airtime than the penis and vagina. The 6-month long journey with a dildo might be my fave next to “two poker chips because of a bet.”…
Rectum
- PLASTIC TOY FISH
- SMALL BIRD TOY
- SILVER MAGNET
- “SENT IN BY WIFE FOR POSSIBLE 16OZ GLASS BOTTLE IN RECTUM”
- SKINCARE BOTTLE
- HAIR MOUSSE CAN
- PIECE OF A LAMP
- “‘HANDMADE TOY’ MADE OUT OF METAL”
- CUBE-SHAPED TOY
- CRAYON
- RATCHET WRENCH
- T-HANDLE WRENCH
- “SAYS WAS IN THE SHOWER AND FELL, AND THE SHOWER STOPPER STUCK UP RECTUM.”
- ACTION FIGUREHEAD
- ACTION FIGURE
- TOILET BRUSH
- “PATIENT COMPLAINING OF RECTAL PAIN. PATIENT ADMITS TO INSERTING SEX TOYS 6 MONTHS PRIOR.”
- SPOON
- “VIBRATOR EGG, PATIENT NOT SURE IF PASSED IN STOOL”
- DEFLATED BALLOON
- FIST-SIZED WATER BALLOON
- VEGETABLE PEELER
- CROCHET NEEDLE
- FISHING POLE
- “PATIENT STATES HE HAS A BIG TOY STUCK IN RECTUM. PATIENT STATES HE FELL ON TOP OF IT.”
- COMB
- FRAGRANCE BEADS
- REUSABLE ICE PACK
- GLASS BEER BOTTLE
- “HAD A FEW BEERS AND THEN PLACED A LONG WAX CANDLE INTO HIS RECTUM, LOST BALANCE AND FELL ONTO A COUCH AND LOST HOLD OF THE CANDLE”
- PILL CONTAINER
- COLOGNE BOTTLE
- PERFUME BOTTLE
- “SAYS GIRLFRIEND PUT VIBRATOR IN RECTUM WHILE HE WAS ASLEEP”
- BILLIARD BALL
- “PATIENT SAYS HE WAS PLAYING WITH A CONTAINER OF ATHLETE’S FOOT SPRAY AND ACCIDENTALLY IT ENDED UP IN HIS RECTUM.”
- PLASTIC CANDY HOLDER
- PIECE OF BROOM HANDLE
- “PUT IN BUTT PLUG, THEN FELL ASLEEP, NOW CAN’T FIND BUTT PLUG”
- STAINLESS STEEL ROD
- ICE CREAM CONE
- MONOPOLY PIECE
- “TWO POKER CHIPS BECAUSE OF A BET”
Even though I don’t roll the insertion dice, I have rules to live by for those who do.
- Never insert anything inside yourself that doesn’t have a base
- Don’t lie to the surgeon ever
- Nothing jagged
- Nothing with teeth
Other than that, have a great time hooping.
DB
Dean Blundell
Dean Blundell is a Canadian radio personality. Best known as a longtime morning host on CFNY-FM (The Edge) in Toronto, Ontario. In 2015 he was named the new morning host on sports radio station CJCL (Sportsnet 590 The Fan). Dean started his career in radio in 2001 and for nearly 20 years been entertaining the radio audience. Dean’s newest venture is the launch of his site and podcast which is gaining tremendous momentum across North America.
