Dean, you cocksucker.

This whole office is filled with fucking flies. It’s October and it’s like 4 degrees out and all of the flies in the Greater Toronto Area have seemingly migrated to our office.

In the bathroom, where you and I go to use the toilet and to reflect on the morning’s activities, I can’t concentrate because there are literally several thousand fucking fruit flies loitering about, waiting to ask you for change or to tell you that they are vegan.

In our studio, our sanctuary if you will; where we produce some of the greatest content known to grace the internet and podcast waves, the amount of flies is similar to the amount of people who showed up to the Toronto Raptors championship parade. Except with less shooting and stabbing.

It is REALLY fucking hard DEAN, to get anything done when every time I go to inhale oxygen which our bodies need to operate and function, I am also forced to inhale thousands of tiny fruit flies who are clogging the air like Beijing smog.

I feel like the Winnebago man in here, constantly stopping and starting so I can take a second to pick flies out of my eyes and sleeves.

I’ve seen shitters at Ralph Wilson Stadium in Buffalo that were more sanitary than our current office situation, and they were covered in excrement from floor to ceiling. I’ve worked at City dumps that had fewer flies than this office currently has. Coincidentally these city dumps also had LESS rotten fruit and over-flowing mounds of garbage in them as well.

I guess what I am saying is, that if you continue to treat this creative space as your own personal compost pile, then I’m going to have to go to HR and demand some solutions. The term ‘Walking On Eggshells’ actually applies here because there are literally SEVERAL piles of eggshells that you have thrown about the studio space. I know we are all about sustainability these days, assisting the environment by diverting trash from landfills and whatnot, but I draw the line at you bringing ALL of your household trash to the office and keeping it in the fridge which, I might add, has not been turned on since September 24th.

I know I complained ad nauseum about the number of spiders that were living in the office when we first got here but at this point, I’m not averse to bringing them back.

Figure it out, Dean.

Graham