I didn’t know there was such a thing.

Source: 24-year-old Kristan Parris is free on a $500 bond, after her boyfriend, Taylor Hayes, called Metro Police when she got rough with him during sex. He presented to police with two bite marks and several scratches to his back.

Metro Nashville Police were dispatched to the Pine Street Flats at 1:24 a.m. on January 1st, for a domestic assault call. The victim, identified as Taylor Hayes, told police that his girlfriend, Kristan Parris, began to bite and scratch him during sex and that it was beyond the scope of their normal intimacy.

What a joke.  Instead of using those scratches and bite marks as a badge of honor for his sexual prowess, he called 911?

Who hasn’t suffered some slight scaring or been scratched or bitten during sex?  Those are the war scars of a job well done and should be immediately shown to your friends, thereby adding to the legend of ‘You’.

Instead, ‘Taylor called the police, filed a report and Kristan was charged with simple battery after being overly appreciative of the rogering he gave her.

He looks like he’d complain if she gave a bad backrub.

Fella’s, don’t be a Taylor.  Backscratches and bite marks are like sexual medals of valor and should always be considered as such.  If there’s no weapon and it’s consensual, give the experience time to breath and settle.

Fewer girlfriends will get arrested and you don’t become the subject of a million social media avalanche of mockery.

And here’s an idea; Have a safe word.

Mine’s been ‘Spumoni’ since Will Farrel fought Dewy the bear in Semi-Pro.