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Top 5 reasons to vote for Chris Sky for mayor of Toronto

Feb 22, 2023

OMG-OMG-OMG Chris Sky running for mayor! Yay!

Now settle down ladies, I have it on good authority that Chris Sky is taken. I mean he’s technically taken but apparently there’s heavy traffic inside the bed he shares with what’s her face. I don’t remember her name. Yes, I am too lazy to Google it.

But honestly, having Chris Sky as mayor would be the best thing to ever happen to Toronto since SARS. I mean, one is a horrible affliction that was perpetrated onto an unsuspecting Toronto public, and the other was SARS.

Still, there are some awesome reasons to vote for Chris Sky. I have manufactured 5 of them below, pulled directly from my ass to match the overall theme of this post.

Top 5 Reasons to vote for Chris Sky;

Cocaine is better than crack: we already know what it is like to have a person with a crack addiction as mayor. And while Rob Ford was also a big time binge drinker, the added laboriousness to being a crack addict – trying to find a suitable pipe, for starters – proved to be too much for Ford. With Sky’s alleged cocaine use, we get a mayor who only has to turn his head for a split second as he hoovers a bump of white gold just before delivering a press conference about Agenda 2030.

Plastic Bags: With Chris Sky as mayor, plastic bags will see a reboot like never before. After all, Sky’s expertise in business and commerce has relied on the durability of plastic garbage bags. We could see a whole new renaissance of the garbage bag. Imagine City Hall completely wrapped in a gigantic Chris Sky branded garbage bag. Or instead of actual gifts in the City Hall gift shop, it could just be a garbage bag shop. I know, right??

The Plaque Signal: You’ve heard of the Bat Signal, well prepare yourself for the Plaque Signal. The Plaque Signal will be an emergency only pilot project at first where concerned libertarian citizens can alert Chris Sky by activating a beacon in the shape of Chris Sky’s teeth. Whenever you see the set of huge ass chompers in the sky, you will know that Chris is on his way to help talk to a libtard about not giving the globalists the ammo they need to fulfill their new world order tyranny.

Short Guy Rights: Ever go to Canada’s Wonderland and get told you are too short to ride the Ghoster Coaster? Well, Chris Sky has, but no more! One of Sky’s first acts as mayor will be to do away with those commie height requirements needed to ride rollercoasters, which will be good for the overall economy because short guys have money…or something. Sure, many will die, but that’s just the price of freedom, amirite?

Debates: Come on, Chris Sky on a debate stage?? That would be the most entertaining 2 hours of all of our lives. Sky would just take one deep breath and then yammer endlessly, thereby filibustering the debate and winning by default as the only person who spoke. Sure, most of his ramblings would be inaudible and nonsensical, and yes front row attendees would be covered in spit, but since COVID isn’t a real pandemic, and masks would be outlawed…well, there would be a lot more dead people, but think of the economic benefits!

I’m not trying to write short jokes as they tend to write themselves, but let’s be honest here – Chris Sky as mayor would be magically delicious.

And as usual, I am here for all of it.

Contributing Writers

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