Toronto F’N Owns Texas

Apr 9, 2022

What do the Dallas Stars, Houston Rockets, and Texas Rangers all have in common? They’re all from Texas, and they all lost to Toronto.

It’s been a good couple good days for Toronto sports teams, and a shitty couple of days for Texas sports teams.

Thursday night Auston Matthews made history when he scored his 55th goal of the NHL season, and broke Rick Vaive’s record set in 1982. The game went to overtime, and surprise, surprise, Matthews scored the winning goal.

Friday night, the playoff bound Raptors hosted the Houston Rockets in their last regular season game of the season. Things didn’t look great, the Rockets took a 24-point lead, and it looked like Toronto was going to fall.

However, you can never count this Raptors team out. Pascal Siakam finished the game with 29-points, 12-rebounds, and seven assists. Gary Trent also finished his night 26-points of his own. Toronto came all the way back, and defeated the Rockets 117-115.

With two Texas teams down, it was up to the Blue Jays to give Toronto the clean sweep. Things started off bleak. The Texas Rangers chased starting pitcher Jośe Berrios in the first inning, and eventually went up 7-0.

If you’re anything like our fearless leader, you may have turned the game off in the second inning.

You just can’t count this Blue Jays team out. Not only did they come all the way back and tie the game 7-7, the Blue Jays would go on and win 10-8.

It’s been a good couple of days in Toronto, and it’s fucking sweet that they came up on top three times. The great state of Texas won’t be happy, and I’m here for it. Toronto is too often forgotten in the sports landscape, so enjoy it.

Contributing Writers

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