Twitter Today: Elon is BIG mad at users pretending to be him, delays verification “free speech” scam, begs employees he fired last week to come back to work on Monday. Genius.

Nov 7, 2022

Gee. This is fun! I’ve never seen a man light $44 billion on fire before.


After a HELACIOUS first week as the sole owner of Twitter, Elon Musk has lost 2 million users and over 4 billion in market value, and he’s now begging employees he trolled and fired to come back to Twitter because, FUCK, is this hard.

BI: Elon Musk’s quest to lay off about half of Twitter’s workforce may not be going entirely according to plan.

The company has already asked some Tweeps to return, according to posts on the Blind app and Insider sources, including one who also shared a screenshot of confirmation from a Twitter employee.

A person familiar with the matter, who asked not to be named to protect others’ identities, told Insider that five employees had been invited back: “These individuals are essential for Twitter’s ecosystem to function. Goons quickly realized and are asking them back.”

One of the sources said that a worker who Twitter asked to return rejected the offer because they felt “used, and think they will be fired again soon.”

More Bad News?

If you were psyched to give Elon Musk $8/mo to feel important, that’s been postponed too because there aren’t enough engineers to roll it out – that’s what happens when you rage-fire half of your workforce for making you delete a few tweets. The official excuse is Elon doesn’t want to screw with the Mid Term elections in the US. LOL.

NYT: Twitter is delaying the rollout of verification check marks to subscribers of its new $7.99 a month subscription service until after Tuesday’s midterm elections, according to an internal post viewed by The New York Times and two people with knowledge of the decision.

The company made the call a day after announcing that it was rolling out the program for people to receive a verification check mark on their profile for the monthly fee. On Saturday, the company had said in notes accompanying a new update to the Twitter app that the paid verification system was now a feature of the website’s subscription service, Twitter Blue.

“Power to the people,” the announcement said. “Your account will get a blue check mark, just like the celebrities, companies, and politicians you already follow.”

But many Twitter users and employees raised concerns that the new pay-for-play badges could cause confusion ahead of Tuesday’s elections because users could easily create verified accounts — say, posing as President Biden or as lawmakers or news outlets and publishing false information about voting results — which could potentially sow discord. 

Elon Seems Angry

Listen, you’d be angry too if you were publicly undressed into the loser you knew you were by Eddie Van Halen’s ax wife.

Valerie Bertinelli started a revolution on the weekend, parading around as Elon Musk with a verified badge. Then MILLIONS of Elon-hating accounts did the same thing.

Elon pretends to have thick skin, but he becomes the person he mocks in less than 48 hours after Valerie starts to fuck around.

If Elon were hired to run Twitter instead of bully-purchasing the platform, he’d be unemployed today. Begging employees, you mocked as you fired them to come back while being dragged publicly isn’t something a CEO survives. Elon owns it all, so he can continue to fail (and he will) because his EGO is his biggest enemy.

Remember when he said he’d take Tesla private and had the funding to do it and FTW and never did anything?

Remember when he said he would turn off Starlink to Ukraine and never did anything?

Remember when he said DOGEcoin would replace bitcoin, and now it’s a worthless computer program?

Remember when he said he’d buy Twitter, backed out, and was forced to buy it because he didn’t want a truckload of damaging emails and information to come out?

That same guy is now running your favorite news-sharing app. Don’t expect him to become a super stable entrepreneur who magically gets how to improve Twitter’s hellscape.

He helped Peter Theil create PayPal, invested his money, and convinced actual scientists and business people to help him build cars and rockets. He didn’t invent shit.

Last week, Elon spilled the actual goal: Force people to pay and shadow-ban anyone who doesn’t. For real.

I take Elon’s word when he says he didn’t buy Twitter to make money. This smells more like a giant fuck you to all the cool kids in high school who beat the shit out of him from k-12.

Elon attaches his self-importance to everything he does for a reason. He knows he’s rich, but he also knows he’s a loser. That started as a kid, and he’s burning through $44 billion to show everyone he’s cool now.

He isn’t. He’s just a rich, overly sensitive asshole who is turning Twitter into ELONVILLE, where you can pay $8 to be part of the most giant pussy troll/bot mob on the planet!





Dean Blundell

Dean Blundell is a Canadian radio personality. Best known as a longtime morning host on CFNY-FM (The Edge) in Toronto, Ontario. In 2015 he was named the new morning host on sports radio station CJCL (Sportsnet 590 The Fan). Dean started his career in radio in 2001 and for nearly 20 years been entertaining the radio audience. Dean’s newest venture is the launch of his site and podcast which is gaining tremendous momentum across North America.

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