Pro Canadian Tourist Tip: Don’t get out of your car to take pictures of wild bears in ANY National park.

This happened in Jasper National Park yesterday. Peep the nerves on the idiot who played dead standing up. Solid strategy.

I was fortunate to grow up out west. Alberta, BC, Saskatchewan. We lived all over. Every year my family would make the pilgrimage to my Grandma’s house for three weeks the day school ended, and summer vacation began. It was my favorite time of the year.

My parents would load us into our van, and we’d drive through the prairies and the foothills before hitting the Rockies on the Trans-Canada highway.

When we’d hit Canmore, the van windows became wild animal observatories. Elk, deer, moose, and a fuck pile of bears – my favorite as an elementary school kid.

I would beg my Dad to pull over so we could see them up close. He gave me the same answer every time: “Fuck, no. Don’t be an idiot.”

An online campaign has been launched to stop a bear from being trapped and relocated.

The black bear became an internet sensation when footage was posted of it appearing to pose for a selfie with a hiker in Mexico's Chipinque Ecological Park.

More here: https://t.co/VWBwqfqxvo pic.twitter.com/BNfFf41JNH

— Sky News (@SkyNews) July 25, 2020

I just thought he hated me and wanted to deprive me of my bear petting dream until one day when he obliged.

We pulled over like foreign tourists, and I swung open the van door to see a bear roughly the size of our van.

“CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR!” my Dad screamed as he put it in drive with me racing for the handle.

this tense face-off between a hiker and a bear is why you always bring bear spray pic.twitter.com/QgdUgwGyaI

— no context viral (@nocontextviral) June 2, 2022

I was cured. My Dad spent the next two hours yelling at me for making him pull over.

“Do you know how many Japanese people get eaten taking pictures of Canadian bears? Thousands! Every year foreigners get eaten because they do what you want to do! Pet a fucking Grizzly bear!”

He didn’t need to add super PTSD to my PTSD, but it was the ’80s, fear propaganda was an acceptable parenting tactic back then, and Jimmy Blundell was the master.

“That bear almost ate your mother’s face! Do you know what happens if a bear eats your mom’s face? YOU GET THE BELT!”

I didn’t have the nerve to tell him, “Dude, I get it. I have a massive shit in my pants to prove it!

That’s because the year previous, Jimmy “pulled the car over” after I replied, “who’s gonna drive, tough guy,” when he threatened to kick my ass in the back seat for punching my brother in the ribs.

Getting spanked on the trans Canada highway with Dad’s honking in support taught me a lesson too.

DB