That’s incredible.  I’m so happy for the dude who got this new (circumcized I might add) wiener after his old one blown off in Afghanistan.

NY POST:  Nine years ago, a US Navy corpsman was tending to wounded soldiers after an ambush by Taliban fighters in Afghanistan when an IED detonated beneath him. It took away his legs — as well as his genitals.

In 2013, Ray met with a plastic surgeon, Dr. Richard Redett of Johns Hopkins Medicine in Baltimore, to talk about his options. Redett decided that Ray might be an ideal candidate to undergo a groundbreaking penis transplant. Until recently, the only treatment available for men in his situation would have been phalloplasty: a transplant of a makeshift member made of tissue, blood vessels and nerves taken from a forearm or thigh, which requires an external pump to become erect.

Ray, who’d lost the entirety of his reproductive organs, was also given a new scrotum (but not testicles, for ethical reasons involving the donor’s sperm, according to his doctors).

Effing Eh Ray.  Good for you and your new member.  Seriously.   And the nuts to boot.  What a time to be alive when we can take a complete stranger’s dick-n-balls, sew it onto another man’s crotch and that man can live a fully functional sexual existence, pee, and wear a bathing suit in public.

That’s right gurl.

If I was the recipient of this new hardware I’d have a list of penis and testes I wouldn’t want.  Genitalia transplants aren’t like organ transplants and the more common this gets, you’ll have more of a choice.

Penis’s I would like to have

-OVER 7 inches (flaccid)

-Decent girth but not grotesque like those Tuna Can Smugglers you see from time to time.

-Circumcized. Sorry, it’s a thing.  I just think women appreciate the helmets more than the anteater.  that’s literally every woman I have ever met btw.  There’s nothing wrong with yours if you are circumcized but if I’m getting a transplant and I want to use this thing, I’d rather play the odds.

-Color???  Not picky.  White?  It Matches.  Any other color?  A BAZILLION Jokes.  I win either way.

-Straight.  When I say straight, I mean no hooks.  Dude I played Volleyball with had a right angle hammer.  Every chick on the women’s volleyball team talked about it like he was a freak, so I’d like to avoid that type of penis, too.

Balls I’d like to have

Whatever. Just not huge and preferably not abnormally hairy.  They’re balls.  Big deal.

I hope you learned something on this thanksgiving day.  Think of this experience like it’s a medical miracle for unfortunate soldiers and welders that may or may not lead to designer dicks in the future for the rest of us.