Source  –  In a case of the truth being stranger than fiction, Newton Police took a 24-year-old man to the emergency room May 1 after he was found attempting to have sex with a car.

“We were called to the 1200 block of East Broadway to a report of a naked male underneath a car,” said Lt. Scott Powell of the Newton Police Department. ”.. He was attempting to stick his penis into the tailpipe of the vehicle.”

According to Powell, the suspect did not respond to officer commands and officers used a taser to subdue him, the Newton Kansan reported.

“He was high on some sort of drug,” Powell said. “Officers were there, and he continued to try and have sex with the tailpipe of the car. He would not listen to commands or anything. … They ended up tasing him.”

The man, who will likely be charged with a misdemeanor of lewd and lascivious behavior, was intoxicated to the point he was nearly incoherent.

“He was so impaired we could not take him to jail,” Powell said.

He was taken to the emergency room as the result of “his odd behavior,” due to a .35 blood alcohol level and possible drug use. Officers also observed what appeared to be a head injury previous to interaction with officers.

“They wanted him checked out by medical professionals,” Powell said.

Meh.  It Happens.  Sometimes you get all shittered,  as my friend Kevin Smith always says “a hole is a hole” and when you are 6 times the legal limit, it is AAALLLLL good.

Admire the horny commitment of the drunk Peter North.   Needed the sex so badly that he was willing to jimmy rig his body on the ground so he could slide that D into what was most likely a compact car due to the physics.

Your dick is usually a heat seeker after 6 drinks.  It’s science, so let’s take some time to applaud the fact he sexually assaulted a car instead of a human.  That’s gotta be worth something when he sobers up.

At least he can tell people he was blackout wasted.

This guy is sober…I think