Jen G is a Vegas nightlife/Hotel/Casino reviewer/influencer, and she sewered Great Wolf Lodge(s) as an overpriced, indoor trailer destination for people who aren’t afraid to swim next to turds and kids whose parents like spending rent money on waterslide vacations.

I’ve been there. Once. And she nails it.

My Christmas gift to you all is the annual holiday reminder that Great Wolf Lodge is awful. It won’t stop you from visiting if you have children who want to go, but it will make those of you who have already invested a mortgage payment into a getaway here feel less alone. This… pic.twitter.com/8c38YcLttZ

— Jen G. (@vegasstarfish) December 26, 2023

The last thing I want to do is turn off a prospective client, but even if GWL gave me a year for free with a daily stipend of $1000, I wouldn’t stay there. Jen repeated my experience, VERBATIM, minus the fire alarm that went off four times in less than 48 hours into a 72-hour visit. We left after 48 hours because they cleared the pool after staff located the SECOND dump of the day in the splash pool.

Jen details my entire Great Wolf Lodge experience in less than 2 minutes and we’ve never met. It’s like she’s been there… https://t.co/qNJg3LvkIV

— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) December 26, 2023

The weekend cost $4000k. They refunded me for the final 24 hours – it would have been 5k. For $5k, we could have gone to the Bahamas. Instead, we spent it fighting off floaters, breathing in moldy particulate that smelled like a horse barn while dodging fat guys in tank tops camouflaged by mounds of shoulder hair—moms in Lululemon’s that haven’t fit for over ten years and their diabetic kids. I HAD to be drunk when I was there. I needed to numb myself from the entire experience actively.

If you can make it to bedtime without threatening the kids at the front desk or choking out a drunk dad who hates his Great Wolf life as much as you, it’ll be a minor miracle.

And heads up for credit card issues, food, and cleanliness issues.

And “Turds,” of course.

I know many people who’ve “experienced” an overpriced GWF vacation, and they either loved it or hated it. Those who loved it probably went ten years ago—those who hated it went recently and vowed never to return.

I won’t go back based on one experience. It was 48 hours of dirty, expensive mayhem that made me wildly uncomfortable and filled me with family vacation resentment, which I didn’t need any help with.

If you’re a snap show parent on a budget with a germ/crowd issue, GWF isn’t the vacation for you. No matter where it is.

You’re welcome.