![](https://crier.co/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/2c809aaaed261cb7eccc90a793971d19.png)
Welcome to “Trump-ghanistan”: The Similarities Between the United States and Afghanistan In 2025 Are UNCANNY
![](https://crier.co/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/background-designers-illustrators-national-independence-day-flags-united-states-america-usa-afghanistan_659987-4497-778x350.jpg)
I’ve been inundated with MAGAmericans in my timeline today after suggesting I’d rather vacation in Afghanistan than America.
I’d rather go to Afghanistan than America.
And the rest of the world feels that way.
America is an island of evangelical death. #FuckAmerica. https://t.co/9VFjbTYSEg
— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) January 29, 2025
Hyperbolic? For sure. But the more MAGAts complained the more I wanted to do an actual competitive analysis of Afghanistan and America in 2025.
So, I did.
I based my research on a few key metrics to see how far off I was in my attempt to have some fun with North America’s dumbest MAGATs, and my findings were, well, not so hyperbolic.
1. Child Marriage Laws: Muslim/Evangelical extremists like em young…
33 states allow child marriage.
Because Jesus said so.
You MAGAMERICANS are bad at this. https://t.co/07rcqAikF3
— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) January 29, 2025
- United States:
- There is no federal ban on child marriage.
- Laws vary by state; some allow marriage under 18 with parental or judicial consent.
- Several states have moved to restrict or ban child marriage, but loopholes exist.
- Afghanistan:
- Under Taliban rule, child marriage has become more common, often due to economic hardship.
- Officially, the legal marriage age is 16 for girls and 18 for boys, but forced marriages occur frequently.
👉 Verdict: Afghanistan has a more systemic issue with child marriage, exacerbated by Taliban rule and poverty, while the U.S. has legal inconsistencies but more significant efforts to restrict it.
2. Muslim Extremism vs. Christian Extremism
- United States:
- Christian extremism manifests in militant anti-abortion activism, domestic terrorism incidents (e.g., church-linked militia groups), and white nationalist ideologies.
- Rise in violent extremism from far-right Christian groups, such as attacks on LGBTQ+ spaces and government institutions (e.g., Jan 6 insurrection).
- Afghanistan:
- The Taliban enforces strict Sharia law, restricting women’s rights, banning education for girls beyond 6th grade, and punishing dissent.
- ISIS-K poses a major terrorist threat, targeting both Afghan civilians and foreign entities.
👉 Verdict: Afghanistan’s extremism is state-sponsored and deeply ingrained, while U.S. Christian extremism is growing but not officially government policy (yet) but will be at the end of the Trump Era. Book it.
3. School/Mass Shootings
You had over 380 mass shootings last year and 60 school shootings. Gun violence kills more kids than Cancer in the US.
Afghanistan is safer by a country mile. https://t.co/OTEmVUTChW
— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) January 29, 2025
- United States:
- The U.S. leads the world in school shootings, with incidents increasing in frequency.
- Weak gun control laws and easy access to firearms contribute to mass school shootings.
- Afghanistan:
- School shootings are extremely rare, but Taliban and ISIS-K bombings or closures target schools (especially girls’ schools).
👉 Verdict: The U.S. has frequent, domestic-driven school shootings, whereas Afghanistan faces extremist attacks on education, mainly against girls.
4. Mass Shootings
- United States:
- The U.S. has the highest rate of mass shootings globally.
- Loose gun laws and a strong gun culture contribute to frequent mass shooting incidents.
- Afghanistan:
- There are no mass shootings in the same sense as in the U.S., but terrorist attacks (suicide bombings, IEDs) are common.
- Violence is often politically or religiously motivated rather than individual-driven.
👉 Verdict: The U.S. leads in civilian mass shootings, while Afghanistan’s mass casualties result from organized terrorist attacks.
5. Affordability & Cost of Living
- United States:
- High cost of living, particularly in housing, healthcare, and education.
- Wages are high, but inflation and income inequality are growing issues.
- Afghanistan:
- Extremely low cost of living, but extreme poverty limits access to basic needs.
- Economic collapse under Taliban rule has worsened unemployment and hunger.
👉 Verdict: Afghanistan is more “affordable,” but extreme poverty limits access to essentials. The U.S. is expensive but offers more economic opportunities.
6. Cost of Healthcare
600k Americans declared bankruptcy due to medical debt last year alone.
Canada?
ZERO. https://t.co/anwJJhlNZD
— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) January 24, 2025
- United States:
- Among the most expensive healthcare systems in the world.
- Private insurance dominates, leaving millions uninsured or underinsured.
- Afghanistan:
- Healthcare is nearly free but highly inadequate.
- Many hospitals lack medicine, equipment, and trained staff, especially under Taliban rule.
👉 Verdict: The U.S. has better healthcare quality but at an extreme cost, while Afghanistan has affordability but severe inadequacies.
7. LGBTQ Rights (Under Trump 2024 & Project 2025)
600k Americans declared bankruptcy due to medical debt last year alone.
Canada?
ZERO. https://t.co/anwJJhlNZD
— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) January 24, 2025
- United States (Projected 2025):
- Trump’s Project 2025 seeks to roll back LGBTQ+ protections, including trans healthcare bans, anti-discrimination laws, and marriage rights.
- Rise in anti-LGBTQ+ laws, especially at the state level (bathroom bans, book bans, etc.).
- Afghanistan:
- LGBTQ+ people face imprisonment, execution, or honor killings under Taliban rule.
- There is no legal recognition or protection; being LGBTQ+ is punishable by death.
👉 Verdict: Afghanistan is more extreme, with the death penalty for LGBTQ+ people. The U.S. may backslide under Trump, but outright executions are unlikely.
8. Authoritarian Hardline Government
And, sure enough, Hegseth has 2 Crusader tattoos: a Jerusalem Cross, the symbol of the Crusader kingdom of Jerusalem on his chest, & “Deus Vult” the Crusaders’ theological cri de coeur (“God wills it”) on his bicep.
“Deus Vult” means God mandated Crusaders’ violence. 13/ pic.twitter.com/kAGwqjToyE
— Matthew D. Taylor (@TaylorMatthewD) November 13, 2024
- United States (Projected 2025):
- Project 2025 aims to centralize power in the executive branch.
- Potential erosion of democratic institutions, voting rights, and judicial independence.
- Afghanistan:
- Already an authoritarian theocracy under the Taliban, with no democratic elections.
- Women and minorities face extreme oppression.
👉 Verdict: Afghanistan is already a hardline authoritarian state, while the U.S. is at risk of authoritarianism under Trump’s potential second term.
White Christian nationalists want to shape America into an extreme, right-wing theocracy.
That’s why I made this comprehensive explainer with @peoplefor: So you can not only prepare yourself + your community for a Project 2025 future, but also fight back. https://t.co/SVoVQ2WQbO pic.twitter.com/oC1Svf0akU
— Kat Abu (@abughazalehkat) November 8, 2024
The deeper I went to justify my research, the happier I was with the result. Theocracy is the same regardless of the governing religion. How do I know America is just Afghanistan with more money and some Olive Gardens?
- Government policies and laws are derived from religious texts or interpretations. (Check)
- Civil and religious law are inseparable, with religious authorities having the final say. (Check)
- Other religions are either banned, heavily restricted, or discriminated against. (Check)
- Laws regulate personal behavior, such as dress codes, gender interactions, and public conduct. (Check)
- A special force enforces religious and ideology compliance, monitoring public behavior. (Check – see “ICE RAIDS”)
- Religious leaders hold political power or have significant influence over government decisions. (Holy Fuck)
- Media, books, and art are censored or banned for contradicting religious values. (Check – see Florida)
- Women have limited rights (restricted movement, dress codes, bans on body autonomy). (Check – Roe V Wade…)
- LGBTQ+ rights are nonexistent, with punishments and marginalization for non-heteronormative behavior. (Check-ski)
- Religious and ethnic minorities are treated as second-class citizens or persecuted. (Ola)
- Leadership is passed down within a religious elite or extends or remains in power indefinitely. (Check)
- Elections (if held) are manipulated to ensure religious hardliners remain in control. (Check – Project 2025)
- The government endorses or engages in violence, oppression, or war under the pretext of religious/civic duty.
- Religious militias or enforcers terrorize opponents or dissenters. (Check on the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers!
- Modern science, technology, and research are restricted if they contradict religious beliefs. (Check – See shutting down NIH coms)
- Education is heavily religious, prioritizing scripture over practical knowledge. (LOL. CHECK)
As you can see, it’s America by a hair—less than two weeks into Trump’s presidency, but there is little or no difference in the principles that govern Afghanistan or America. You’re slightly better off vacationing in Florida/AZ, but not by much. Fuck, you might be better off living in Afghanistan.
What a spectacular fall for the greatest empire since the Romans.
And again, America is only two weeks in – give it four years, and you’ll be begging for some downtime in Kabul.
DB
Dean Blundell
Dean Blundell is a Canadian radio personality. Best known as a longtime morning host on CFNY-FM (The Edge) in Toronto, Ontario. In 2015 he was named the new morning host on sports radio station CJCL (Sportsnet 590 The Fan). Dean started his career in radio in 2001 and for nearly 20 years been entertaining the radio audience. Dean’s newest venture is the launch of his site and podcast which is gaining tremendous momentum across North America.