I don’t want to come across as too much of an old man here, but our male role models didn’t look like actual models when I was a kid. They looked more like your friendly neighbor, teacher, or (in the case of Captain Kangaroo) that Uncle your parents don’t like leaving you alone with.

But not anymore. When it comes to entertaining children, ugly dudes need not apply. The latest example of this is the new Purple Wiggle, John Pearce.

The man has me questioning my marriage and that’s with his shirt on. Wait till you see him shirtless.

The inappropriate Wiggles jokes practically write themselves. Now let’s compare him to the original Purple Wiggle, Jeff Fatt.

I’m pretty sure I’d leave my kids with Jeff for a weekend without even talking to him. Whereas I’m not leaving my wife alone with Jason for a second.

AND Jason isn’t even the only hot Wiggle. Let’s first take a look at the OG Red Wiggle, Murray Cook.

Ol’ Murray here looks like he plays bass in a kid rock n’ roll band. But let’s compare him to the current Red Wiggle, Simon Pryce.

Dye his hair black and he could play Superman. Look at the jaw-line and the guns on him!

Finally, let’s turn our attention to Blue’s Clues. When I was a kid Blue’s Clues was hosted by Steve Burns.

He was your unofficial, rather dorky, big brother. He taught you some basic fundamentals about life. He was a warm cup of milk. Now Blue’s Clues is hosted by Abercrombie and Fitch model Joshua Dela Cruz or “Josh”.

I’ve got a mystery you can solve. Why does my wife PVR Blue’s Clues?

Could I highlight the hypocrisy of all the women on TikTok and Facebook lusting over children’s entertainers and it getting media attention in a cute kinda way? Sure. Could I highlight how if I made this article about all the attractive women who perform for children, I’d be asked to leave Crier Media? Sure. But I didn’t and I won’t.

#DadBods4Life.

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