“Why Select American States Might Be Better Off Joining Canada”

Have you ever wondered what would happen if some of America’s most progressive states just said, “You know what? Fuck It- We’re done,” and packed up their policies, economies, and social responsibility to join Canada? As Trump’s MAGA crew fantasizes about annexing Canada as the 51st state, let’s flip the script. If (when) States like California, New York, Oregon, Washington, and all of New England hold a referendum to join Canada instead, it might not be such a bad idea. One that appears to be in the works if you watch this video from Canadian Green Party Leader Liz May, who’s married to Losi Lane’s (Margot Kidder’s) brother

🇨🇦Canada established communications with several US States for the purposes of annexation months ago.

We’re welcoming California ORE, WS, NY, all of NE first.

Every US state has a right to self determination.

Then we build a wall. pic.twitter.com/4VPTvl6YNy

— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) January 4, 2025

The Perks of Joining Team Canada

1. Free Healthcare (Yes, Free)
   Imagine living in a place where a trip to the hospital doesn’t bankrupt you. In Canada, universal healthcare ensures that medical emergencies don’t come with a side of GoFundMe campaigns. This means no more medical bankruptcies for families in California, New York, or anywhere—an issue that hits red, blue, and purple states alike. Even the most skeptical voters might appreciate never choosing between insulin and rent.
2. Fewer Guns, Fewer Deaths
   Let’s talk stats:
   • Gun mortality rate per 100,000: US: 12.21 vs. Canada: 2.05
   • School shootings since 2000: US: Over 400 vs. Canada: Fewer than 10

Joining Canada would bring sensible gun control laws that drastically reduce violent crime. Parents could send their kids to school without the gnawing fear of a mass shooting, a luxury millions of Americans have sadly accepted as normal.

3. World-Class Education
   Canada consistently ranks higher than the US in global education rankings. Schools in states that join Canada could adopt systems prioritizing student well-being, equitable funding, and modern curricula—without the political interference that turns classrooms into ideological battlegrounds. Plus, with lower college tuition rates, more young Americans could afford higher education without a lifetime of debt.

3. Better Work-Life Balance
   Canada’s “work to live” mentality means longer parental leaves, more vacation time, and universal childcare programs. Contrast that with America’s burnout culture, where paid time off is often a mirage. For overworked New Yorkers or Silicon Valley tech workers, a Canadian passport could mean trading sleepless nights for hockey nights.
4. Economic Synergy
   California’s economy is the fifth largest in the world, and New York isn’t far behind. Imagine the economic powerhouse these states would create when paired with Canada’s vast natural resources and trade agreements. Renewable energy, tech innovation, and agriculture could thrive in a partnership that aligns progressive policies with economic growth.
5. Happier People, Happier Lives
   According to the World Happiness Report, Canada consistently ranks higher than the US in terms of happiness and quality of life. So why not join the happy crowd? Less gun violence, affordable healthcare, and universal education make for a less stressful existence.

The Practical Benefits for Everyone (Yes, Even MAGA Fans)

Let’s break it down for the skeptics, including those who might think “socialism” is a dirty word:

• Healthcare Savings: Americans pay twice as much for healthcare as Canadians—often for worse outcomes. Joining Canada means lower taxes when considering the savings on private insurance premiums and out-of-pocket medical costs.
• Safe Communities: Gun control isn’t about “taking your guns away.” It’s about fewer accidental deaths, suicides, and mass shootings. Who doesn’t want safer neighborhoods?
• Economic Stability: Canada’s regulated banking system avoided the financial chaos of the 2008 crash. Adding progressive American states to this stable economy could cushion against future economic shocks.

Even the most die-hard MAGA supporter must admit that fewer medical bills, safer schools, and a stronger economy are universal benefits unless you’re one of those die-at-all-cost MAGATS who literally would rather die than get free health care.

A Smaller, Simpler “Jesus Land”

Let’s face it: a lot of MAGA fans already want a fence…just not for the reasons we’re proposing. With the progressive states joining Canada, America would shrink into a more manageable, deeply red utopia. Imagine the savings on border wall construction when you’re just fencing in Jesus Land! No need to worry about pesky liberals or progressive policies creeping into their schools and churches.

Happy New Year to the future Citizems and territories of Canada.

You’re a referendum away from free health care, unlimited abortions, and Poutine as your national dish.

🇨🇦 pic.twitter.com/nkf5J5dXtP

— Dean Blundell🇨🇦 (@ItsDeanBlundell) December 31, 2024

• Rebranding Opportunities: The smaller US could officially rebrand as Jesus Land, complete with slogans like “Guns, God, and Freedom” and a national anthem by Kid Rock.
• Streamlined Policies: With fewer states to manage, red America can focus on its true passions: banning books, cutting taxes for billionaires, and expanding Mar-a-Lago into a new capital city.

Gavin Newsom’s Rallying Cry

California Governor Gavin Newsom has clarified that his state won’t sit idly by while Trump’s Project 2025 promises to drag America back into the 19th century. Newsom’s fight against regressive policies on climate change, LGBTQ+ rights, and abortion mirrors Canada’s progressive values. Why not make it official? If the MAGA crew wants to turn red states into their version of Gilead, let the blue states hop across the border.

Gavin Newsom has know illusions about the fascist authoritarian he’s going to have to deal with — and he’s prepared to protect the people of California. 🙌🙏💪👏👊🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/sBesfCVaRX

— Bill Madden (@maddenifico) November 10, 2024

It’s “Join Canada” Referendum time, Gavin. LFG.

What Would Canada Gain?

Let’s not pretend Canada doesn’t get something out of this arrangement. Here’s what our northern neighbors could look forward to:

• Cultural Renaissance: California’s entertainment industry alone would inject Hollywood flair into Canadian life, while New York would bring the cultural vibrancy of Broadway, fashion, and art.
• Innovation Hub: Silicon Valley’s tech ecosystem and Canada’s talent pool could redefine global innovation.
• Global Clout: Adding California and New York’s economies to Canada would make it an economic superpower, capable of standing toe-to-toe with the EU and China.

How to Upset a MAGAt in One Easy Step

Nothing would enrage the world more than watching their blue state “enemies” prosper in Canada while they’re left behind to stew in a stew of Trumpian policies and Mar-a-Lago merch. The thought of California and New York flourishing under free healthcare, gun control, and climate-forward policies would be enough to send the MAGA faithful into a collective meltdown.

And honestly? That’s reason enough to consider it.

Of course, this isn’t a serious policy proposal (yet). It’s Satirical. Kinda. But the idea underscores a larger point: progressive states like California, New York, and others have more in common with Canada than with the hard-right MAGA agenda. Instead of waiting for the next election cycle to fight the same battles, maybe it’s time to dream a little bigger—or at least laugh at the absurdity of it all.

So, MAGAts, keep dreaming about annexing Canada. Meanwhile, blue states might just be planning a northward escape. After all, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘’em—and Canada’s looking pretty good right now.

*This post is meant to be satiracal. But it makes way more sense when I read it back to myself. America, come home to your Canadain Daddy’s…”