Say hi to Lauren Chalk.  She had ‘no idea’ she was full-term pregnant until she was crowning

“Given the history of miscarriages that I had, I would think that I was pregnant before, then take pregnancy test and it would be negative,” said Chalk. So I think that I just would self-consciously think well it’s not going to be true anyway.”

Baby Wyatt was born December 2, 2019.

Chalk calls her son “the best Christmas gift since Jesus.”

Well, looky what ‘Jesus’ brought Lauren for Christmas. (Jesus didn’t bring her shit.  He’s been dead for 2019 years.)

A baby without 9 months of worrying and wondering and hoping that the child comes out healthy. She went from finding out she was pregnant to having the baby 9 days later.

The husband made out like a goddamned bandit too.

He didn’t have to rub her feet or make a late-night run to Arby’s for curly fries.  He never had to rub her lower back or shoulders or to one fucking birthing class.

I know what your thinking.  Lauren didn’t know she was pregnant because of that Leopard print shirt.  The spots really hide baby bumps and confuse the eye.  It’s a standard fashion trick like wearing black to hide fat.

This reminds me of my favorite show of all time on Cable TV.

“I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” was a show on TLC that reenacted women’s experiences finding out they were pregnant while giving birth. It’s sensational.  I have no idea how someone could be that oblivious but I have male anatomy (thank Christ) so I’m out.

My Favorite episode was Emily’s.  Her baby ‘fell out’ into her sweatpants:

‘It just felt slimy and gross’.  It was just goo.”

“I think I just had a baby!”

“I looked down and there was a baby in my sweatpants.”

Pip pip.

D