An annual human rights report drafted by the US State Department has admonished India for various alleged human rights infractions, all without being struck by lightning or becoming forever trapped in the world’s thickest cauldron of irony.

The State Department report highlighted several alleged human rights abuses by India, including what it calls “challenges” to the following issues: extrajudicial killings, the confiscation and destruction of property without due process, freedom of expression, arbitrary arrests and detentions against minority groups, and a clampdown on freedom of expression.

#Gravitas | A US report has accused India of significant human rights abuses. It has accused the Indian government of unlawful killings, kidnappings and corruption. But what about America's human rights record? Is it in a position to point fingers at India? @mollygambhir reports pic.twitter.com/ajDAaBu4Xr

— WION (@WIONews) March 21, 2023

When asked if the Biden Administration felt weird hurling accusations of human rights violations when they were guilty of most if not all of those infractions…naw, just kidding. Nobody bothered to ask the State Department anything about the hypocrisy the rest of the world sees.

Hubris is like that.

A million people killed in Vietnam. A million people killed in Iraq. The rise of ISIS. The domestic issues including systemic racism inside various governmental organizations, and police killings of unarmed civilians. International issues such as the drone program active in several countries without a declaration of war on any of them, and the ongoing partnerships with many of the world’s most vicious nations such as Saudi Arabia.

US Secretary of State Anthony Blinken paid no mind to the glaring hypocrisy as he stated the following. “We are monitoring some recent concerning developments in India including a rise in human rights abuses by some government, police and prison officials.”

US State Department Unveils 2022 Annual Human Rights Reporthttps://t.co/XTNNS0IiRA

— Voice of America (@VOANews) March 21, 2023

Blinken didn’t blink when he made that statement, despite America’s spotty track record on all those fronts, including its for-profit prison system that currently houses more inmates than any other nation on Earth.

It’s like Donald Trump lecturing the world on the concerning trend of combovers.

But America would be better served if it opened every press conference about human rights violators with the list of human rights abuses they are guilty of, rather than pretend they have good standing in this world to deliver such lectures.

“The United States of America should reconsider its policies, and at the very least, clean up the mess left behind,” says Abu Ghraib survivor Salah Hasan. “The U.S. must admit that it deceived the Iraqi people." https://t.co/Ot6tOGAD2r

— The Intercept (@theintercept) March 20, 2023

Right now in America some states are considering issuing the death penalty for woman who have illegal abortions. India’s abortion laws are far more progressive than America’s, thanks to the overturning of Roe VS Wade.

I guess the countless mass shootings aren’t exactly a violation of human rights by the state, but the ongoing, half-century blowjob the American government has been giving to the NRA would constitute as a human rights violation in literally every other country on this planet.

So listen up America, before I start lecturing anyone on the dangers of magic mushrooms, or why eating edibles is like sharing candy with Satan, or how only useless idiots get blocked by colleagues, perhaps read the room next time and skip the part where you chastise the rest of us for doing the things you perfected a long time ago.